The Super Ice Babies
by redpandagirl
Summary: Byakuya has a great idea—arrange Rukia's marriage! IchiRuki, HitsuHina, NanaoKyoraku, UryuHime
1. Ichigo's support

"The Super Ice Babies"

I never will own Bleach.

I will never own Hitsugaya either. sob:(

* * *

Chapter 1: Ichigo's support

It was night and Ichigo felt dreary. It was finally time to fall asleep. He had been through a lot of detentions that day for missing so much school. How pointless.

Then, there was a tapping from his window. He looked up. It was Rukia.

"Ichigo, open up!" she said. Ichigo opened the window and Rukia jumped into his room.

"What brings you here at this time of night?" asked Ichigo, although he was so happy to see Rukia again that all his sleepiness left him.

"It's n-not exactly important…," said Rukia. She did not sound as confident as Ichigo was used to. _Something's strange_, thought Ichigo.

"What's up?" asked Ichigo more firmly.

"Well,…" started Rukia. "You know how Byakuya Nii-san and I are Kuchiki nobility."

"Uh-huh," interrupted Ichigo. He did not need any reminding of _that_.

"And… as the head of his family Nii-san has a lot of control over the personal affairs of its members." She said this very fast and Ichigo could not catch everything.

"What do you mean?" asked Ichigo. Rukia is usually understandable as long as she did not use her sketchbook.

"Ichigo," said Rukia. She looked into his eyes imploringly. "I need you to support me. Please." Ichigo was taken aback. Rukia has never looked at him like that.

"What's going on?" asked Ichigo.

"Nii-san is arranging me a marriage," said Rukia.

"WHAT?!" cried Ichigo, loud enough to wake up the entire block. "THAT BASTARD!"

"Ichigo, please…"

"THAT BASTARD! WHAT DOES HE THINK HE'S DOING?!"

"Ichigo, he's doing what heads of noble families do."

"How can you say that Rukia?! This is so medieval. Who you marry is your choice, not his!"

"Ichigo, remember that Lurichiyo princess and her noble friends at the tea party? They were all bound by arranged marriages. I am also from a noble family. Did you think I was exempt?"

"Yes," said Ichigo bluntly. "And I don't see why you were going along with this. If I were you, I'd leave Soul Society."

"I can't leave Soul society!" retorted Rukia. "Nii-san is my only family, and I'm going along with this because I don't want to mess up my relationship with him."

"Who's your guy?" asked Ichigo.

"I don't know yet," said Rukia very fast. "But…"

"You don't know yet?!" interrupted Ichigo. "You're going along with this and you doing even know what you're going into?!"

"Ichigo, I'm going to meet him tomorrow morning. It'll be in the Kuchiki manor and I want you to come. Nii-san is allowing me to bring one friend."

"That's rare," said Ichigo. "Even me?"

"Supposedly yes, despite how impudent you can get," said Rukia. "He didn't give me any terms for which friends I can and can not bring. But don't cross him, Ichigo. He'll still have every right to kick you out any time he wants. _Please_, just stay by my side. And don't make him mad."

"He's making _me_ mad. What if your guy has fish lips?"

"Ugh," groaned Rukia. "Nii-san would never marry me to a guy with fish lips!"

"What if he has double chins?"

"Ugh, Nii-san would never marry me to a guy like that!"

"What if he has a buck teeth?"

"Okay, that's enough," said Rukia, irritated, "Nii-san would never marry me to a guy with fish lips, buck teeth, pock marks with hairs, crossed eyes or anything like that."

"What if he's really, really old?! Like Yamamoto!"

"He would never…!"

"How do you know, Rukia?! I didn't think he would marry you to some guy like this, did _you_?!"

"Well,…no," confessed Rukia.

"This must suck."

"Ichigo! You are not being very supportive!"


	2. Not Too Mean, Not Too Old, Not Too Ugly

"The Super Ice Babies"

I will never own Bleach. I will never own Hitsugaya either sob ;_;.

* * *

Chapter 2: Not too mean, not too old, not too ugly

Rukia and Ichigo sat in a room with a lacquered table at the center. A woman with skin so white that it could have been dead poured them tea with long, boney fingers.

"So this is going to be a tea party," said Ichigo. Rukia, however, was not listening. She was praying, chanting a mantra that she composed herself.

"Not to mean, not too old not too ugly,… not to mean, not too old, not too ugly,…not to mean,…"

"Rukia," said Ichigo. "You're more worried about this than you think."

"You're the one who made me think of how ugly he'd be!" shrieked Rukia.

"Maybe you should just say 'no' to Byakuya," continued Ichigo.

"I've told you a thousand times, Ichigo," said Rukia, losing her patience. "I can't make Nii-san angry."

"Master Byakuya is coming," said the ghost-like servant. She left the room whipping her wire-like strands of hair on Ichigo's face. Rukia immediately stopped chanting and stood up with formality itched in every inch of her face. Ichigo scowled.

"Please, Ichigo," said Rukia. "Be polite to Nii-san, just this once."

The door opened, revealing Byakuya with his usual stoic expression.

"Byakuya," said Ichigo, "what the hell do you think you're…"

"Good Morning, Nii-san," interrupted Rukia. A blood vessel popped out in the corner of her head.

"Good Morning," said Byakuya. Rukia beamed. Ichigo started to understand. Byakuya rarely looked at Rukia. This affair was to Rukia more of an opportunity to get some of Byakuya's attention than a violation of her freedom.

"As you know," said Byakuya coolly, "for generations, the Kuchiki family's highest honor is to protect Sereitei. Understand, therefore, that marriage in the Kuchiki family is not only a custom, but a service to Soul Society. Therefore, I have found a man who will not only be suited to carry Kuchiki name, but also one who will enhance family's standing as a house of Shinigami."

_This doesn't sound so bad_, thought Ichigo. _I just wish that he would just go straight to the point and tell us who he is already_.

"In addition, I have found him to be not too mean, not too old, and not too ugly," said Byakuya.

"Nii-san," said Rukia with tears in her eyes.

_I always thought that he could read minds, the Bastard._ Byakuya shot a dangerous look at Ichigo, but then quickly returned to his formality.

"I have also selected this individual because he is already fairly well known to you," finished Byakuya. The door slid open.

There was a deafening silence.

_Rukia_, thought Ichigo, _you prayed too hard._

Standing in front of the three of them, looking more awkward than he ever had in his life was Toshiro Hitsugaya.


	3. Ice, Ice Baby

"The Super Ice Babies"

I will never own Bleach.

I have a few problems with writing—most of which is discipline. I think that I am better at coming up with stories in my head than writing them, so I'm good and entertaining myself but not others. Since my chapters are short, reading this is going to go by quickly. I'm open to any suggestions in making it longer, though.

* * *

Chapter 3: Ice, ice baby

The silence in the room sucked the air out of Ichigo's lungs. It pounded on his ears as if it was a deafening blare rather than a silence.

"Please, sit down Hitsugaya-taicho," said Byakuya, oblivious to Rukia and Ichigo's stupefied expressions. "Have some tea."

Hitsugaya walked over as dignified as he could, but the sweat beads on his face made it seem like Byakuya was inviting him to a deathmatch.

There was a moment of silence that felt like an eternity while everybody sipped their tea. Finally, Ichigo collected his courage and asked the question he was trying to ask earlier.

"Byakuya, what do you think you're doing marrying Rukia to Toshiro?"

"Hitsugaya-taicho," corrected Hitsugaya. However, his eyes perked up in attention as if he was wondering the exact same thing. Byakuya, however, looked irked and waited a few more moments to sip his tea before answering him. He wanted to pretend that it was out of his grace that he told them, rather than out of Ichigo's impudent questioning.

"As I have said earlier, marriage is a service to Soul Society in the Kuchiki family. Rukia's zanpakuto, _Sado no Shirayuki_ is the most beautiful snow and ice zanpakuto in Soul Society. Hitsugaya Toshiro on the other hand has _Hyourinmaru_, the most powerful ice type zanpakuto in history. By conjoining Rukia with Hitsugaya, I ensure the births of super ice babies."

Another awkward silence followed. _Ugh, those nobles_, thought Ichigo. He imagined little toddlers with Hitsugaya and Rukia heads— garbed in little, black, kimonos— surrounded by ice dragons and ice rings—pointing their swords to the stormy heavens— sucking on pacifiers.

"Toshiro, why did you agree to something like this?" asked Ichigo. "You don't look so keen,…"

Rukia hit Ichigo's head with a mallet that came from nowhere. "Set it aside," she whispered.

Then, she turned to Hitsugaya with the teapot. "Toshiro-kun, would you like some more tea?" asked Rukia trying to smile.

"For now, I'm still Hitsugaya-taicho," said Hitsugaya with an icy tone in his voice.

_Man_, thought Ichigo, _this is not going good._

And then, Ichigo remembered. Byakuya was also married once— to Rukia's older sister. He had told Rukia after he rescued her from Aizen. Apparently, it caused a little scandal in the Kuchiki house because she was from the streets. It had to be true love, his parents would never have allowed it. He would probably also have known the feeling of being forced to marry somebody he did not truly love.

"Byakuya," said Ichigo, "you've also been in an arranged marriage before, haven't you?"

Rukia let off a soft groan.

Byakuya's reply, however, was patient. "Yes, I have," he replied as if they were having a pleasant conversation

"What was that like?" continued Ichigo in the most polite tone as he could.

Byakuya took a sip of tea and looked at the ceiling for a while as if trying to find the right words to describe it. He thought… and he thought…. Finally, he faced the others.

"It sucked."

Vein's popped out of everyone else's heads.

"So what gives you the right to put Rukia and Toshiro,…"

Byakuya snapped his fingers three times.

Three servants appeared. One of them was the creepy women with wiry-black hair.

"Take him away," Byakuya ordered, pointing to Ichigo.

"Wahh!" cried Ichigo, "you've got to be kidding."

Ichigo was shot out of the Kuchiki manor like a cannonball.


	4. Ramen Stand

"The Super Ice Babies"

I will never own Bleach.

* * *

Chapter 4: Ramen stand

Ichigo waited until noon before Rukia and Hitsugaya came out.

"Finally," said Ichigo.

"You really have to learn how to submit to authority, Ichigo," Rukia rebuked.

"I'm not the one who's being the jackass, Rukia!" cried Ichigo.

"We'd better discuss this somewhere else," said Hitsugaya. "It's noon, I'll take you two to eat somewhere."

"Ooh!" cheered Rukia. She clapped her hands together. "Can we go to a sushi restaurant?"

Hitsugaya looked at her sternly.

Silence.

"Perhaps,… a ramen restaurant?"

Hitsugaya kept looking at her with his cold, teal eyes.

Silence.

"A ramen stand," modified Rukia.

Hitsugaya walked on without a reply. Ichigo guessed it was supposed to be a yes. Rukia made a face behind his back. She and Ichigo waited for Hitsugaya to walk a couple of paces before they started to follow him.

"Cheap skate," spat Rukia. "Maybe we should go to the real world and eat at McDonalds!"

"Not a cool start, I suppose," said Ichigo.

"No," said Rukia, without any note of regret.

Rukia and Ichigo walked on quietly, following Hitsugaya at a distance.

"Well, at least your guy won't look down on you," said Ichigo

"How do you know that?" asked Rukia. "He's so…"

"I mean _down_ on you," interrupted Ichigo, rolling his head down. Rukia snickered.

"Ahh, yes," smiled Rukia. "Of all men, Nii-sama got me one who was actually shorter than me."

"But it'll be only temporary," said Ichigo. "Enjoy it while he's still a little boy."

"I'M NOT A LITTLE BOY!!" hollered Hitsugaya in the distance.

"Whoops," said Rukia. "He heard you."

The ramen stand was not decorated but it was clean. It was also very packed for a ramen stand. Hitsugaya thought it made it easier to avoid eavesdropping.

"So," said Ichigo, slurping on the ramen. "Why didn't you refuse the marriage, Toshiro?"

"_Hitsugaya-taicho_," corrected Toshiro, irritated. "I have. I told him that his offer was too grand for me and that I could never be worthy of it.'"

"That's not refusing a marriage," said Ichigo. "That's sucking up to Byakuya."

"But that's the closest thing I can do," hissed Hitsugaya. "And he insisted that I go with it."

"Man, he really must be convinced of his super ice baby theory," said Ichigo. "But still, why didn't you just say 'no?'"

"Well," said Hitsugaya, "if I had said _that_, Kuchiki-taicho would have been very offended."

"So, what?" asked Ichigo.

"It's never a good idea to offend nobility, Kurosaki" said Hitsugaya. "This is Soul Society."

"But now you're stuck with Rukia, and you don't want that!" said Ichigo. Rukia hit him with a mallet.

"But now we're stuck with each other!" said Rukia to Toshiro.

"Hey, I said the same thing!" groaned Ichigo in pain.

"It's okay for now," said Hitsugaya in a low voice. "All we need is a plan to elegantly terminate the marriage."

"Wow, that's brilliant!" cried Rukia excitedly. "Do you have any ideas?"

Silence.

_Oh my God_, thought Ichigo.

"You two don't have any idea what you're doing, do you?" asked Ichigo.

"Please, Ichigo," said Rukia. "You're not helping."

"Neither of you want this marriage," said Ichigo. "But you're going through with it for the wrong reasons."

"That's enough, Kurosaki," said Hitsugaya. "You haven't grown up in Soul Society. Most people, including Byakuya, consider it a rare honor for someone of a humble birth like me to marry into a noble clan. You would think a refusal would be common sense. However, Byakuya, as well as the vast majority of Soul Society, would consider it insult to refuse to join the Kuchiki clan, and I am not keen to make enemies with Byakuya."

Ichigo sighed. _This is going to be tough_.

Hitsugaya got up, and started walking out of the ramen stand.

"Hey!" said Ichigo. "Where are you going."

"I'm going to 10th division headquarters," said Hitsugaya. He left the stand.

"Isn't he the social one?" muttered Rukia.


	5. Hinamori

"The Super Ice Babies"

I will never own Bleach.

***********************************************************************Chapter 5: Hinamori

Hitsugaya knocked on the door to the hospital room. _I have to tell her,_ he thought to himself. It was all he had been thinking about ever since he left Ichigo and Rukia at the ramen stand.

"You may come in," said a voice from inside. Hitsugaya opened the door. Hinamori Momo looked up from her bed. Her eyes were puffed from lack of sleep.

_She looks bad,_ thought Hitsugaya. _Still depressed. Aizen, you bastard…_

"Shiro-chan," craoked Hinamori, withholding her surprise to see him. "What brings you here?"

"It's Hitsugaya-taicho," said Toshiro. "You never grow up, Bed-Wetter Momo."

"I wish you'd stop calling me that," hiccuped Hinamori. "After all, I'm a woman right now…"

" I have to tell you about something," said Hitsugaya.

"Oh," breathed Hinamori. Her voice was very weak. "Please, sit down." Hitsugaya took a chair right next to her bed.

Hitsugaya sat on a chair next to Hinamori. He looked up from the ceiling. _How am I going tell this to her?_ he thought. _She's certainly going to be shocked._

"You know Kuchiki Byakuya has a sister in 13th division, Rukia Kuchiki," began Hitsugaya.

"I've heard," breathed Hinamori.

"Well, yesterday Byakuya-taicho summoned me to his office for… personal matters," said Hitsugaya.

"Personal matters?" asked Hinamori. "What kind of personal…"

"He wants me to marry Kuchiki Rukia," said Hitsugaya. "He asked me yesterday."

A long silence followed. Hinamori's eyes widened slightly with surprise.

_I wonder what she's thinking_ thought Hitsugaya. Those eyes were difficult to read.

"Wow," hiccyped Hinamori softly. She looked sad. Perhaps defeated. "That's incredible. You really made it far, Shiro-chan."

Hitsugaya waited a moment before answering. "No, Hinamori. It's not incredible." He tried to sound sad.

"Oh," said Hinamori softly. "So you don't like it?"

"No Hinamori," said Hitsugaya. "I don't."

"Well then that…must…" said Hinamori. She sounded lost for words.

_Come on Hinamori_, thought Hitsugaya. _Get mad. Please get mad._

"Th-that m-must," stuttered Hinamori.

_Oh, no_ thought Hitsugaya. _She's stuttering. I hope she's not going to cry..._

"That must suck, Shiro-chan," finished Hinamori.

Silence.

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?" screamed Toshiro. "IT'S HITSUGAYA-TAICHO."

Hitsugaya looked at her, breathing heavily.

Hitsugaya rose. "I have to go back to my office," he said. "I've got a lot of paperwork piled up as well. This marriage business has wasted me a lot of time."

* * *

Hinamori is always such a sad character ;_;. I hope to spice her up later ^_^.


	6. The Plan

"The Super Ice Babies"

I will never own Bleach.

I will never own Hitsugaya either. sob:(

* * *

Chapter 6: The plan

Hitsugaya stormed all the way back to his office at 10th division headquarters. Matsumoto was not there, of course. He went to his desk heaped with paperwork, picked up his brush, and…

"Yo, Hitsugaya!"

Hitsugaya was startled and made a bad stroke. Rukia and Ichigo were in the room.

"What are you two doing here?" hissed Hitsugaya.

"Looking for you," said Rukia simply. "You said that you'd be here when you left the ramen stand."

"You arrived pretty late," said Ichigo. "Where were you?"

"None of your business," scowled Hitsugaya.

"We just got betrothed and you already lied to me?" asked Rukia angrily.

"Can you please leave me for now?" asked Hitsugaya. "I've got _a lot_ of work to do."

"We have to terminate this marriage as soon as possible," said Ichigo. "You can't set this aside."

"Why won't you tell Matsumoto-san?" asked Rukia. "I understand she's pretty lazy, but maybe she'll be more willing to take over your paperwork for once so that we can plan?"

"I… don't… want… Matsumoto… to know," groaned Hitsugaya.

"What, is she going to make fun of you?" asked Rukia slyly.

"Okay, okay," said Hitsugaya. "Let's plan something."

"Yes, plan," said Rukia.

"Plan," said Ichigo.

Silence.

_I can't think like this_ thought Hitsugaya. _All I can think about is the mounds of paperwork I have to do…_

The door burst open. It was Lieutenant Hisagi.

"What do you need, Lieutenant Hisagi?" asked Hitsugaya.

He took out a ukulele and started singing. Rukia and Ichigo stared. He was really awful and obnoxious, but to their surprise Hitsugaya tossed him a coin. Hisagi left as suddenly as he entered.

"Why did you do that?" asked Ichigo. "It sounded like Bonnie the Boar getting butchered!"

"Don't say that in front of Ganju," said Rukia.

"It's the only thing that you can do to get him to shut up and leave," said Hitsugaya. "It's a stupid thing he does to make a little extra cash. Matsumoto and I tried kicking him out dozens of times but he just comes back."

"Hey, that's it!" said Rukia.

"What?" said Hitsugaya and Ichigo.

"Members of the Kuchiki family are forbidden to sing, even the servants. It has been part of the Kuchiki family for generations. Byakuya Nii-san thinks that singing is only something that low class people do. The Kuchiki family only has music at festivities and special occasions, and even then, only hired personnel are the ones who sing."

"That's really strict," said Ichigo.

"He never goes to the Sereitei Idol nights," continued Rukia.

"Neither do I," said Hitsugaya. "And I still don't understand what you're getting at."

"Sereitei Idol?" asked Ichigo. "What's that?"

"Well, every year, the Shinigami of the Gotei 13 come together and sing some karaoke," said Rukia cheerfully. "It's tonight, actually. It raises money for a non-profit organization that benefits women."

"If that's what you call it…" drawled Hitsugaya. The Shinigami Women's association was clearly a lobbiest group greatly benefits from the Central 43 funds. There's nothing non-profit about it. "Obviously, it's not mandatory and thank God for that. I've got enough of Hisagi with his occasional bursts of ear-splicing noises."

"But you should sing at Sereitei Idol, Toshiro," said Rukia

"What! But I-I… d-don't sing," stuttered Hitsugaya. He did not even remark on Rukia calling him "Toshiro."

"But it would be perfect," said Rukia. "Everyone talks about first-time singers. When, Nii-san hears that you've been singing, he wouldn't want you in the family anymore."

"Are you _sure_ about this?" asked Hitsugaya. "He wouldn't just forbid me to sing anymore."

"Oh, there are no second shots on singing," said Rukia. "It's the first thing he forbade me the moment I entered the clan. A servant of 90 years was also immediately fired when she was caught humming absentmindedly in the garden."

"That's really, really strict," said Ichigo. "That's depressingly strict. For the first time I'm grateful for my dad!"

Rukia hit him on the head with a mallet.

"This is going to be so embarrassing," said Hitsugaya.

"Don't worry," said Rukia. "Everybody is horrible. Except for…"

"Matsumoto, I know," said Hitsugaya. "She wins 10th Division the Grand Prize every year. She won't need my help."

* * *

I didn't realize how dignified Hisagi really was when I wrote this chapter. I thought he was a goofy character because I only knew him from one of the Shinigami Illustrated Picture book features. It was the one where he was mooching all the good food from the rich guy in 2nd division and Renji asks him "have you know pride?" I personally would agree with Hisgai in this respect, though. I'd devour leftover sushi from rich man's floor if I could.

I should have known that everyone was goofy in the Illustrated Picture book. But what was I to really know about him? He shows up so little.

Poor Hisagi. I'm ganna have to kill his character in this fanfic.


	7. Sereitei Idol—Part 1

"The Super Ice Babies"

I will never own Bleach.

Hi! Okay, this chapter and the next few chapters is American Idol-ish. (Or British Idol, or wherever-you-come from Idol, depending on which country you come from. It's a huge franchise after all. They've even got one in Afganistan and its really big there and a girl contestant got a death threat for taking off her head scarf and dancing. But I digress. A lot.)

In regards to may fanfiction, you may need to know some of the songs to get the jokes. I'm not much into pop culture and I myself am really song illiterate. I only know these songs from a handful of movies and anime music videos my sister used to show me. I tried reading other fanfics with Bleach Idol and I was lost cause I didn't know any of the songs. There's one in Indonesian and I was lost cause I didn't know the language, least of all the songs! I digress again.

Anyway, this is the reason why I'm giving a list of song's I'm using. I'm not sure how song literate one would have to be to be able to just skip through the list and go straight to the fanfic as to not get any spoilers. I guess there's no real spoiler-free way to do this.

I highly recommend seeing the whole "I'm cute" video from Animaniacs. It is hard to find it on youtube due to copyright. You can look up "I'm cute" on and look at the original movie under "videos."

All the rest of the songs are just good to know basically (As in melody and headline lyrics).

From the group Right Said Fred, "I'm too sexy"

Pussy Cat Doll, "Don't Cha"

From Aqua "I'm your little butterfly"

Spongebob's Fun Song, of course!

Tom Jone's "She's a Lady." I heard this song from Miss Congeniality.

Jame's Brown's "I feel good."

Styx' "Domo Arigoto (Mr. Roboto)"

Weird Al's "Like a surgeon," based on Madonna's "Like a Virgin"

Jordin Sparks' "Tattoo."

Baha men, "Who let the dogs out"

I have a feeling that this chapter and the next few chapters would make a better youtube video than a fanfiction chapter. If anyone wants to make one out of it please do. And please tell me so that I can see it.

* * *

Chapter 7: Sereitei Idol part 1

Rukia paid the ticket master 5000 kan for two tickets.

"That's a lot of money," said Ichigo. "Are you sure it's worth it?"

"Oh, you have to come. Ichigo. Sereitei Idol night is the best night of the year," said Rukia. "I just wish I could sing…"

* * *

"I'm so glad that you're coming to Sereitei Idol, Taicho!" shrieked Matsumoto. "We're ganna win again this year."

"I'm just going to watch, Matsumoto," said Hitsugaya. "Don't expect me to do any singing."

"It's okay, taicho," winked Matsumoto. "We're prepared."

The rest of 10th division came with drums, flutes, and string instruments.

"What song are you guys singing?" asked Hitsugaya.

"It's a surprise!" said Matsumoto.

"Alright," sighed Hitsugaya. "If that's how you want it."

They made it to the ticket booth.

"Oh! Last year's winners!" said the ticket master. "You may pass for free."

"See?" said Matsumoto. "Winning Sereitei Idol _does_ have its benefits. We didn't even have to pay your child ticket."

Hitsugaya scowled, but it only made Matsumoto giggle. "I'm so excited for tonight, taicho," she said.

* * *

When Ichigo entered the singing hall, he saw Shinigami, all grouped together in their Divisions. Ichigo followed Rukia, joining the 13th Division in the back Northeaster corner.

"13th Division always gets the worst seats," groaned Rukia. "Why can't we for once sit in the front central seats, like first Division?"

Ichigo greeted Captain Ukitake and looked for the 10th Division corner. He spotted Matsumoto, but could not see Hitsugaya...

"Oh yeah,..." snickered Ichigo. "He's too short."

* * *

"Welcome to the one and only Sereitei Idol!" said Isane Kotetsu. "Let us give a hand to our judges… Yachiru Kusajishi!"

"Hi everyone!" said Yachiru cheerfully, waving wildly with both of her arms while everyone clapped.

"…Retsu Unohana," continued Isane.

Unohana rose and bowed shining in her matriarchal magnificence as the audience greeted her with loud applause. There were cheers as well as claps. She smiled as she waited the applause to slowly died down.

"…and Nanao Ise," finished Isane.

Nanao stood and bowed as well.

"Oooh, Nanaoooo," drawled Kyoraku's voice from the crowd.

"Don't catcall!" barked Nanao. "You sound like a pervert!

"Thank you again for joining us," said Isane. "Now let's set the rules for the one and only Sereitei Idol. It's the Battle of the Divisions everyone, and the Shinigami Women's Association shall award the division that gives the top performance with great prizes. Prizes traditionally include a year-long membership to Health Land as well as free entry to next year's Sereitei Idol.

Each performance may include a single individual from a division or multiple individuals. Each judge will give a score of zero to 10, at the end of each performance, but if a division offers more than one performance, the top score shall represent the division."

"But don't forget everyone," said Yachiru. "The true purpose of this night is FUN!" The audience cheered. Unohana and Nanao clapped.

* * *

"Yay, taicho!" shrieked Matsumoto, jumping up and down. "You hear that? It's time to have FUN!"

"Yes...." muttered Hitsugaya. "Fun...." In truth, he felt too queasy about singing to feel any fun. Rukia and Ichigo were relying on him, but how was he going to sing? Without losing his dignity?

* * *

"Even though each judge offers the same number of points, Nanao is this year's superjudge!" continued Isane. "That means she hits the button that opens the trapdoor on the performance floor. If any performance is too awful to judge, Nanao will send them _down_!"

* * *

"Rukia!" nudged Ichigo. "Your brother is here!"

Rukia jumped. "What?!"

"I'm serious," said Ichigo. "Over there!"

Byakuya was sitting in the top box.

"It would be perfect now if Toshiro sings tonight," said Ichigo. "I personally don't think he has the guts to. We'll have to let him try, though."

"I had no idea that Nii-sama would ever come to Sereitei Idol," said Rukia.

"This event keeps growing every year," said Captain Ukitake. "I remember it when it was merely a bunch of Shinigami women singing at a pub with some kind of gag gift like a rubber chicken or a banana for a grand prize. Now it's so big that they're able to convince elites to come by renting an entertainment hall with a top box. It really helps the Shinigami Women's Society in enabling them to sell expensive top box tickets."

"Typically Byakuya," muttered Ichigo.

* * *

"Our first performance is by squad 7, with Captain Komamura and gang!" said Isane.

_Who let the dogs out? _

[Komamura] _Arf! Arf! Arf! Arf!_

_Who let the dogs out!*_

"I can never believe these people are singing even though I'm seeing it," said Ichigo.

"That's called the Sereitei Idol Effect," said Rukia. "Sereitei Idol is famous for making people go out of character! Trust me, Ichigo, this is just the beginning!!"

* * *

_Ae-ya-ee-yai I'm your little butterfly_

_green, white, and blue are the colors of the sky!_

Soi Fon danced and twirled like a ballerina. Her hornet sting blossomed butterflies of flashing colors into the air like iridescent fireworks.

"That was awesome, Soi Fon!" cheered Yachiru! She lifted her card number. "6 points!"

"7 points," said Unohana.

"6 points," said Nanao.

The point of Soi Fon's hornet sting flashed. "Is that all?" asked Soi Fon in a deadly tone.

Silence.

"7 points!"

"8 points!"

"7 points!"

Soi Fon left the stage.

"At least she's normal again," mumbled Ichigo.

* * *

"And now it's Yumichika Ayasegawa's turn, 5th seat of 11th Division!" called out Isane.

Yumichika brushed his hands through his hair, which fell to his shoulders like flowers. He winked and grinned in his gracefulness and vanity as he sang.

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?_

_Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?*_

**BUZZZZ!** Nanao hit the trap button.

"Tasteless," cursed Nanao.

"Awww," moaned Yachiru. "But he was from _my_ division!"

"I-I didn't mean to upset you, Madame President," said Nanao.

"Na," said Yachiru, cheerful again. "I'll sing myself!"

Yachiru, Ikkaku, and Kenpachi jumped onto the stage. Yachiru sang the solo, winking and grinning in her childish charm while Ikkaku and Kenpachi sang the chorus.

[Yachiru: solo]

I'm cute, yes it's true.

I really can't help it, but what can I do?

When you're cute, it just shows!

With these two darling eyes, and this button nose.

With my lips sticking out in a cute little pout

then there's just no doubt why the guys like to shout

[chorus]

She's a beaute!

[solo] Let's face it, I'm cute!

[chorus] Cute, cute, oh baby,

she's cute, cute cute

"6!" said Unohana.

"6!" said Nanao.

"That's it?!" cried Yachiru, burning with anger. A blast of reiatsu exploded from her body like a supernova. It was amazing that such a small girl could contain so much fury and power. "You ruined my entire cute song! I am angry! I am furious! I am enraged! I HAVE HAD IT!"

Chaos broke loose in the house. People in the front rows were being blown away like rag dolls. Everyone was scattering. Nanao's glasses shattered. Ichigo pushed Rukia away as a man landed on him with a heavy thud. Matsumoto guarded Hitsugaya with her body, her hair waving wildly as if she was in a hurricane. Byakuya stood coyly in his secure high box, silent and untrembled by the disaster happening below him.

"You're awfully cute when you're angry!" smiled Unohana with her grand, yet gentle and calm demeanor.

Yachiru's reiatsu abated as quickly as it had exploded. Her eyes, once fierce as a tiger's softened to the complexion of an innocent lamb's.

"You really think so?" she asked, beaming at Unohana.

_Unohana-san_ thought Nanao. _You lie so well!_

[Chorus] Aba-da-da-da-doo-da

She's cute!

* * *

P.S. I'm really short too so don't be offended when I throw in short jokes at Hitsugaya if you're short. I gatta say I'm so short that I'm not saying how short I am.

Hope the long introduction helped. And isn't spoiling too much.


	8. Sereitei Idol—Part 2

"The Super Ice Babies"

I will never own Bleach.

Chapter 8: Sereitei Idol—Part 2

* * *

"Now it's time for 6th Division's Lieutenant, Renji Abarai!" Renji came out with an electric guitar and blasted the house.

_Just like a tattoo_

_I'll always have you_

_Just like a tattoo_

_I'll always have you_

"Yay, Renji!" yelped Yachiru she lifted a card with a number. "8 points! That was GREAT!"

"9," said Unohana, raising her number card. "That was marvelous, Renji."

"8." said Nanao. "That was very original, Renji, to make a soft pop girl's song into a hard metal man's song."

"Thank y'all" said Renji.

"Wow, Renji!" said Isane. "Finally, we have a competitor who can finally face Matsumoto!"

The crowd cheered. Matsumoto shrugged.

"Don't worry, taicho," said Matsumoto. "I am _much_ better than last year."

"And you've even got cologne!" breathed Isane. "Since when do you where cologne, Renji!"

"Oh," said Renji. "I just got that from the guy who put the tattoo on my ass."1

* * *

"Hanataro Yamada of 4th Division!" called Isane. There was a round of polite applause.

"H-h-hi e-e-very o-o-one…" stuttered Hanataro. He shook nervously and lifted the microphone to his mouth.

Silence. The audience stared. His mouth twitched, but he couldn't make a note.

"A-a-a-ee-ee," began Hanataro tonelessly. "A-a-a-l-l-l-l…."

He fell silent. The audience and the judges stared.

"You forgot the words, have you not?" asked Unohana kindly.

"Y-yeah," stuttered Hanataro sadly.

"It is okay," said Unohana with her angelic smile.

Hanataro left the stage sadly with his head down.

* * *

"Next is Hisagi from 9th Division playing the ukulele," said Isane.

**BUZZZZ!**

"Nooooo!" cried Hisagi. "But I didn't even get to sing yet!"

* * *

_What a life saver, _thought Hitsugaya as Nanao buzzed Hisagi away.

"Oh, this is the best Sereitei Idol ever!" jumped Matsumoto. "Maybe we'll have every division this year!"

"Except for 9th," replied Hitsugaya.

Matsumoto tapped Hitsugaya and pointed at a corner.

There was Hinamori, looking on at the performances. She was smiling, but Hitsugaya could not help but notice the intense sadness in her eyes.

"I'm going to move over to Hinamori, Matsumoto," said Hitsugaya.

"It's okay, taicho," winked Matsumoto. "I'm all taken care of."

* * *

"Now," said Isane. "Let's welcome Captain-Commander Yamamoto from First Division!"

"Thank you for having me," said Yamamoto.

Yamamoto filled the room with an explosion of his reiatsu. It loosened the top part of his garb and exposed his bare chest. His arms and abdomen were incredibly muscular for such and old man. The reiatsu made everyone's hair flew wildly.

_Oh, no,_ thought Nanao. _That terrible reiatsu... It fills my heart with so much fear… What is he doing?_

"Don't worry," said Unohana. "He only intends to do this for special effects."

Yachiru was watching on calmly, eyes wide open.

_How can she stand this?_ thought Nanao. _I'm trembling, shivering_.

Sparks of flames flashed out of Yamamoto's bare, muscular body, built like a wrestler's. The audience was impressed.

_But this is a singing competition, _thought Nanao. _Not a stunt competition._

And then, Yamamoto began to sing.

_I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt_

_So sexy it hurts_

Nanao was frozen stiff from shock.

_And I'm too sexy for your party_

_Too sexy for your party_

_No way I'm disco dancing_

Yamamoto slipped on a pair of sunglasses and began to disco dance. The room roared with wild applause.

_This is going passed my endurance,_ thought Nanao.

_I'm a model you know what I mean_

_and I shake my little touche on the catwalk_

_And I'm too sexy for this song._

Yamamoto stopped releasing his reiatsu and the whole stadium was silent and calm instantly. "So?" asked Yamamoto, turning to the judges. "What did you think?"

"I can't see, I can't see!" shrieked Yachiru. Unohana was covering her eyes. Unohana let down her hand. Yachiru was furious. "How was I supposed to judge that?! You covered my eyes and I couldn't see a thing."

"I will give you a 10," smiled Unohana.

"A 10 point performance?!" cried Yachiru. "I wish I saw it."

Unohana turned to Nanao's direction.

"Nanao? Where are you?"

Unohana looked down. Nanao was on the floor, passed out. She turned sadly to Yamamoto.

"I'm sorry Captain-Commander," said Unohana. "It won't be enough to win your division the grand prize."

"I would have liked to have a month-long membership to Health Land to soothe my aging bones," said Yamamoto disappointedly. "Oh well, it was fun."

* * *

P.S. Does anybody know a really good duet song with a boy and a girl?

Thanks for reading. Please Review ^_^.

1 Line from Miss Congeniality


	9. Sereitei Idol—Part 3

"The Super Ice Babies"

I don't own Bleach and I never will.

* * *

Chapter 9: Sereitei Idol Part 3

Hitsugaya went up to Hinamori.

"Oh, hi, Shiro-chan," said Hinamori. "I didn't expect you to see you here."

"Hitsugaya-taicho," corrected Hitsugaya.

"Are you enjoying the night?" asked Hinamori.

Hitsugaya shrugged.

* * *

"Please welcome 8th Division, Captain Kyoraku and his _ladies_," resounded Isane's voice.

[Tom Jone's "She's a lady"]

_Well she's all you'd ever want,_

_She's the kind they'd like to flaunt and take to dinner._

_Well she always knows her place._

_She's got style, she's got grace, She's a winner._

_She's a Lady. Whoa whoa whoa, She's a Lady._

_Talkin' about that little lady, and the lady is mine. _

"_**Hey, Kyoraku**_," winked the 8th division girls in unison.

**BUZZZZ!** Kyoraku fell down the tap door.

"Nooooo!" cried Kyoraku. "But Nanao-chan! I'm in your division!"

"That wasn't necessary, Vice-President Nanao," said Unohana. "He was quite good, after all."

Nanao's eyes flashed. "Hmmgghh!"

* * *

Hinamori slid on the wall towards the ground, pale as the moon shining on her face.

"H-Hinamori!" cried Hitsugaya. Hinamori was fainting. He knelt down and shook her. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I-I'm fine, Shiro-chan," mumbled Hinamori softly. Her eyes were closed. Hitsugaya ignored the childish address.

"You're not, Hinamori," said Hitsugaya. "You look tired. I'll take you back to the hospital ward."

"No, Shiro-chan," said Hinamori. She put her hand on his shoulder. "Just sit, here, next to me."

* * *

_Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto_

_Domo, Domo_

Nemu twisted and turned impassively like a robot.

_She's really good,_ thought Nanao.

**SLAP!**

"You're doing the wrong dance moves AGAIN, Nemu!" cane Kurotsuchi Mayuri's severe voice. "I knew this would happen!"

"I'm sorry, Master Mayuri," said Nemu nonchalantly.

"Bah!" cursed Mayuri. "We've practiced this time and time again and you've still managed to mess up. This is all your fault! YOU'RE USELESS!"

The drama made everyone twitch.

"Doesn't matter," scoffed Mayuri. "I'll do this myself. Get off the stage!"

Nemu obeyed. As soon as she was out of sight, Mayuri began to sing.

_Like a surgeon— Hey!_

_Cuttin' for the very first time_

_Like a sur-ur-ur-ur-geon_

_Got your kidneys on my mind_

**BUZZZZ!**

"Sick," said Nanao. "In various levels.

***************

Hinamori laid her head on Hitsugaya's shoulder. "I'm sorry I betrayed you, Shiro-chan," she said. _How many times had she said that?_ thought Hitsugaya.

"I always wanted to sing with Captain Aizen on Sereitei Idol night," said Hinamori.

_What am I supposed to say?_ wondered Hitsugya.

"I've asked him to sing with me so many times," said Hinamori. "Every year he

promised me that he would sing with me. But at the end he was never able to make it, and I had to sing by myself."

"Hinamori," said Hitsugaya. _Please stop this, Hinamori_.

"He was always so busy, Captain Aizen," said Hinamori. "He wasn't able to make it for me once. I would have liked to have just sang with him once."

_Hinamori_, thought Hitsugaya. _He never wanted to sing with you!_

* * *

[to the tune of Sponge Bob's song]

Vice-captain Izuru: F is for friends who do stuff together.

U is for U and me.

N is for N.E. where and N.E. time at all

[Chorus] Right here in Division 3!

* * *

"Why don't we sing together, Rukia?" asked Ichigo. "It can be for Division 13."

"You know I can't do that!" said Rukia.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm in the Kuchiki clan!" snarled Rukia. "You didn't forget about that?!"

"Of course I hadn't," said Ichigo matter-of-factly.

"Ugh!" groaned Rukia. "If you want to sing, you'll have to sing without me. Besides, Division 13 doesn't need me. Captain Ukitake is going to sing for us."

"You want to sing too, Rukia," said Ichigo. "You have to let yourself sing _some_ time."

* * *

Captain Ukitake came out with a guitar. The crowd welcomed him so warmly that they weren't finished abating their cheers when he started playing his guitar. Then he started singing and the crowd silenced.

_I feel good_

[cough! COUGH! **COUGH**!]

Ukitake was having a cough attack.

"Captain Ukitake! A-are you really alright?" asked Nanao.

"Looks like 13 Division will need you, after all," said Ichigo.


	10. Matsumoto's Song

"The Super Ice Babies"

I will never own Bleach.

I'll never own Hitsugaya either.

And I don't own Disney.

* * *

Chapter 10: Matsumoto's song

"Matsumoto is going to sing now, Ichigo!" said Rukia excitedly.

Matsumoto went on stage, followed by her entourage of 10th squad members and their instruments. The crowd roared with the loudest applause yet. When the cheering abated to complete silence, Matsumoto introduced her song:

_Ladies and Gentlemen, "Kiss the girl_"

_Percussion_.

_Strings_

_Winds_

_Words_

_There you see her_

_Sitting there across the way_

_She don't got a lot to say_

_But there's something about her_

_And you don't know why_

_But you're dying to try_

_You wanna kiss the girl_

* * *

"Hinamori," whispered Hitsugaya. "What did you want to sing with Aizen?"

"Oh, it's just a stupid song," whispered Hinamori.

"What was it?" Hitsugaya persisted.

"It's…."

* * *

_Yes, you want her_

_Look at her, you know you do_

_It's possible she wants you, too_

_There is one way to ask her_

_It don't take a word_

_Not a single word_

_Go on and kiss the girl_

* * *

"I got an idea, Rukia," whispered Ichigo. "And we can still win your division the Sereitei Idol. You won't get in trouble with Byakuya either."

"Are you kidding?" Rukia asked, surprised. Her eyes glinted with hope.

"Actually," said Ichigo. "I am."

"That's not funny, Ichigo," said Rukia coldly. It was like the time when Ichimaru told her that he could save her, and then he was "just kidding." Except that it was not like that at all... She felt that she was betraying herself rather than Ichigo was betraying her.

"You have to take a chance, Rukia," said Ichigo. "You'll regret never singing in Sereitei Idol if you don't."

* * *

_Sha-la-la-la-la-la_

_My, oh, my_

_Look at the boy too shy_

_He ain't gonna kiss the girl_

_Sha-la-la-la-la-la_

_Ain't that sad_

_Ain't it shame, too bad_

_You gonna miss the girl_

* * *

Hitsugaya looked at Matsumoto… And Matsumoto was looking back… at least toward his direction. Nonetheless, the way she rocked her head to the beat made his insides squirm oddly.

Hitsugaya shook the thought out of his head and turned to Hinamori. He smiled. She seemed unusually beautiful at that moment. The moonlight from the window shined upon her illuminating her like an angel. It was as if he had seen her for the first time. Hitsugaya put his arm on Hinamori's shoulder.

* * *

_Now's your moment_

_Floating in the blue lagoon._

_Boy, you better do it soon_

_No time will be better_

_She don't say a word_

_And she won't say a word_

_Until you kiss the girl_

* * *

_Maybe I should kiss her,_ thought Ichigo. _But I mustn't. Wait a moment! What am I thinking?! I must be going crazy!_

* * *

_Maybe I should kiss her,_ thought Hitsugaya. _But I mustn't. Wait a moment! What am I thinking?! I must be going crazy!_

* * *

_Sha-la-la-la-la-la_

_Don't be scared_

_You got the mood prepared_

_Go on and kiss the girl_

_Sha-la-la-la-la-la_

_Don't stop now_

_Don't try to hide it how_

_You wanna kiss the girl_

_Sha-la-la-la-la-la_

_Float along_

_Listen to the song_

_The song say kiss the girl_

_Sha-la-la-la-la-la_

_Music play_

_Do what the music say_

_You wanna kiss the girl_

_You've got to kiss the girl_

* * *

_I'm asking her to dare to defy her brother, to take a chance, _thought Ichigo. _I have to take a chances too._ He leaned closer towards Rukia.

* * *

_Why don't you kiss the girl_

* * *

Hitsugaya leaned towards Hinamori. He was an inch away from her lips _Just a little closer_ thought Hitsugaya. Hinamori did not notice him… yet.

* * *

_You gotta kiss the girl_

* * *

Ichigo was going closer and closer to Rukia's lips. He could count the freckles on her nose.

* * *

_Go on and kiss the girl_

* * *

Hitsugaya could not seem to get any closer. Hinamori watched Matsumoto, not noticing him at all.

The song finished.

Hinamori leapt up, joining the applause. Hitsugaya threw himself back. _That was close,_ he thought. _I was so close to making myself such an idiot._

But somehow he felt an odd emptiness that made him terribly sad.

* * *

**WHACK!** Rukia hit Ichigo with her mallet.

"Uhhh…., Ichigo," mumbled Rukia slowly. Her eyes were upside-down crescents. "Why were you so close to me?"

"Ah— Nothing!" replied Ichigo in embarrassment, as if the reply answered her question.

His forehead burned in fury. _Damn, Damn, DAMN!_

* * *

"10!" cheered Yachiru. "That was your best performance yet!"

"10," said Unohana. "Best performance ever."

"Congratulations, Matsumoto," said Nanao. "Full points."

A roar of applause filled the stage as Matsumoto left the stage with the rest of 5th squad.

"Yeah, Matsumoto!" The rest of 10th Division joined the applause and embraced Matsumoto as if they were no part of the production.

Matsumoto herself, however, did not seem impressed. "Disappointing results," she muttered.


	11. Challenging the Rules

"The Big Ice Theory"

I will never own Bleach.

AN:

I'd like to apologize again for not updating for such a long time. I needed to stay away from fanfictioning, though. It was a really hard semester. I had to drop one of my classes and it was still really hard. I can't imagine getting through it with fanfiction! Anyway, I've got a nice, long chapter to make up for it. Merry Christmas ^_^.

I'm going to add this spoiler for this chapter, which I hope would not take out too much fun. There's going to be a song in Japanese called "Yume no Tsubasa." I chose the Japanese lyrics. There are English to the song, but they make as much sense to me as the Japanese lyrics (and I don't know Japanese). I picked the Japanese lyrics because I really don't think that the English lyrics are any good and with Japanese lyrics I don't care if the meaning is any good... because I don't get the meaning. Maybe I'm making a mistake, though. Tell me if I should use the English lyrics instead.

I'd like to thank Northern Shinigami for mentioning Yume no Tsubasa to me because I didn't know about the song until that review popped. Out.

I'd also like to thank AnimeLover4Everandevr for giving me a long list of songs. I'm sorry that I could not imagine any of the characters singing any of them, though, so I didn't use any of them.

I'm also using a Sesame street song and a Taylor Swift song in this chapter.

Another reason why it's taken so long to update: It's difficult to combine song lyrics with fiction text in a way that the lyrics don't dominate the story. Writing in general is difficult for me. That's another reason why I had to set this fanfic aside. I had to write two 10 page papers this semester! That's all over now.

Enjoy ^_^.

* * *

Chapter 11: Challenging the rules

"Well, that was quite a show from Matsumoto, wasn't it?" said Isane. The crowd roared again. "The winning Division for tonight is almost certainly decided. However, we still wish to invite anybody who wants to sing to come on stage. We might even still find someone to end the 10th Division streak tonight."

"_I_ wish to sing," came a confident voice. Ishida, Orihime, and Sado went on stage.

"I wish to sing," repeated Ishida. He lifted his white cape. "I hate Shinigami, and I shall teach all of you to fear the Quincy race by defeating you at your own game of Sereitei Idol."

"Hi everyone!" waved Orihime cheerfully, completely ignoring Ishida's Shinigami-phobic remarks.

"B-but, this contest is only for Shinigami," said Isane tentatively. She turned to the judges' table.

"Allow them to sing," said Unohana with her magnificent and calm demeanor. _After all_ said her inner fiendish voice. _Your admission only brings more money to the Shinigami Women's Association._

"Very well," said Isane. "You may proceed."

Ishida, Orihime, and Chad sang together.

_C is for Cookie, that's good enough for me_

_C is for Cookie, that's good enough for me_

_C is for Cookie, that's good enough for me_

_Oh! Cookie, Cookie, Cookie starts with C!_

Silence.

"1," said Yachiru in her childish bluntness. "Totally out of tone."

"1," said Unohana, although her tone was kind.

"1," said Nanao stiffly. "Poor song choice."

"Is there anyone _else_ to challenge 10th Division's standing?" asked Isane.

"Here," came a voice. "We will sing together."

Everyone's jaws dropped.

Hinamori Momo came on stage followed by none other than Toshiro Hitsugaya.

"We'll sing together," repeated Hinamori confidently. She looked stronger than she had in a long time. She even smiled— the charming smile that everyone had missed ever since the day that the traitors left Soul Society. Isane turned to Toshiro.

"Hitsugaya-taicho," said Isane. "B-but you're in 10th Division! And Hinamori is in 5th Division. You can't sing together!"

"It's alright," said Hitsugaya calmly. "I'll sing for 5th Division."

Hitsugaya looked at his squad. His comrades were more than surprised to see him on stage with Hinamori. Many of them looked betrayed. Matsumoto, on the other hand wore an amused grin and even winked.

Isane again turned to the judges' table.

"Allow them to sing," smiled Unohana. "I am touched my Hitsugaya-taicho's support. It is a great example of inter-division cooperation."

"Very well," said Isane. She left the spotlight to the pair.

***********

"Hitsugaya's singing!" whispered Ichigo.

Rukia rolled her eyes. "Yes, Ichigo. I notice it too. He's standing right in front of us."

***********

Hinamori started the song.

[Yume no Tsubasa]

_Konna ni no tooku e futari wa kite shimatte_

Everyone's jaws dropped. Hinamori could sing— like an angel. And then Hitsugaya joined her.

[Hitsugaya & Hinamori]

_Ano koro no_

[Hitsugaya]

_Osanai kimi no hohoemi ni mou kaerenai ne_

***********

Blue flames of envy engulfed many of the people who had already sung. _This kid is a prodigy in fighting— and now in singing too?! Is there anything that he isn't good at?!_

***********

[Hitsugaya]

Kimi ga warau sekai ga suki de

[Hinamori]

_Soba ni itai soredake_

[HitsuHina]

_Wasurekaketa itami wo mune ni_

_Time goes by_

_Toki no nagare wa_

_Futari wo kaette yuku keredo_

_Nakushita mono mo yume miru mono mo_

_Sono te o totte omoidasu yo_

_sumo kimi no soba de_

The wrinkles around Nanao's eyes etched from her constant severe squinting softened as if they never existed. Unohana gazed at the two of them with mesmerized eyes as if they were her own children. Yachiru gaped with admiration, laughing in enjoyment. Unohana covered her mouth.

And then Hinamori sang the lalalas as Hitsugaya sang the background verse.

_(La la la la la la...)_

_Time goes by_

_Toki no nagare wa_

_Futari wo kaette yuku keredo_

_Nakushita mono mo yume miru mono mo_

_Sono te o totte omoi dasu yo_

***********

"They're both such good singers," whispered Rukia to Ichigo. "And they blend so perfectly..."

"That's because his voice hasn't cracked," sneered Ichigo.

"They just might beat Matsumoto," said Rukia. "There's no way we can win."

"I'm sure we can...," said Ichigo.

"There's no way _I'm_ singing," said Rukia.

"Why?" asked Ichigo. "Do you want to?"

"_Of course not!"_ snapped Rukia. "Nii-sama is here!"

Ichigo retorted. "I'm not asking you if 'Nii-sama' wants you to sing. I'm not asking you if the law wants you to sing. I'm not asking you if God wants you to sing! I'm asking you if _you _want to sing."

***********

Hitsugaya and Hinamori finished the song strong.

_Soba ni iru yo Zutto_

Most of the audience gave a lukewarm applause when they finished. The judges seemed mindful of the lack of enthusiasm and helped back at their own, except Yachiru.

"10!" jumped Yachiru. "That was awesome you guys."

"10," smiled Unohana. "In past years, you were always so good, Himaori, but you also sounded so sad. This year, however, you're happy."

"10," said Nanao, although her voice was as cool and collected as it ever was, her eyes were still soft. "Your voices blended perfectly, Hitsugaya-taicho and Vice Captain Hinamori."

Matsumoto gave the solo burst of enthusiasm from the audience. "Wahoo!!!!" she hollored, leaping a waving her limbs as if in triumph. "Hitsu and Hina are so AWESOME!"

"Ah,... Matsumoto-san,..." whispered a 10th Division member. "They're threatening our lead!"

***********

"Full points, Hinamori," exclaimed Hitsugaya. He could not contain his excitement from the results.

"I don't care, Shiro-chan," beamed Hinamori. "I am just so happy to have sung with you."

"It's Hitsugaya-taicho."

Hitsugaya smiled. He did not get to kiss Hinamori tonight. Nevertheless, he was able to sing with her and make her happy. It was certainly a first step to true love.

"Now if only Aizen were here my happiness would be complete," sighed Hinamori.

Or, perhaps, it was not.

***********

Rukia turned to look at Byakuya in the high box. He looked impassive.

"It doesn't look like the plan worked," said Rukia. "Hitsugaya sang, but he doesn't seem disturbed by it. It must be because he's still not part of the family yet. He would probably just warn Hitsugaya to never sing again later tonight."

"Too bad," said Ichigo. "No matter, let's get up there. It's our turn."

"What?!" hissed Rukia. "But we don't even have a song yet!"

Ichigo smiled. "So now you're complaining about not having a song," said Ichigo slyly. "Instead of about not singing."

"It's a legitimate issue!" retorted Rukia.

***********

"Another division with full points!" said Isane. "I'm impressed, but how are we going to determine the winner?"

"The judges will decide on that matter after everyone has sung," said Nanao.

"Very well," said Isane. "Does anyone else wish to sing?"

Ichigo went on stage. "I would like to sing for 13th Division in place of Captain Ukitake."

"Kurasaki Ichigo...," blinked Isane. "You can't sing for 13th Division. You're not in 13th Division."

Isane turned to the judge's table.

Unohana smiled. "No, Isane," she said. "Kurosaki Ichigo is not in 13th Division. Yet, being a Shinigami Substitute he is not officially in any division. Therefore, allow him to sing in any division he shall wish to."

Isane smiled. "Very well," she said. "Proceed." She left the stage.

Ichigo looked up at Byakuya. He looked at him suspiciously as if he already knew that Ichigo was going to bring him trouble once again, although he did not know of what kind. _There's his mind reading again,_ thought Ichigo.

Ichigo began the song.

[Adaptation of "Love Story"]

_We were both young when I first saw you._

_I closed my eyes and the flashback starts._

_You're standing there _

_on a balcony in summer air_

And Rukia's voice rang out as she entered the stage.

_See the lights._

_See the party, the ball gowns._

_I see you make your way through the crowd and say, "Hello."_

_Little did I know._

[Ichigo]

_That I was Romeo, I was throwing pebbles._

_And your daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet!"_

_And you were crying on the staircase_

_Begging me please don't go._

[Rukia]

_And I said,_

"_Romeo take me somewhere where we can be alone._

_I'll be waiting. All there's left to do is run."_

[Ichigo]

_I'll be the prince._

[Rukia]

_And I'll be the princess._

[IchiRuki]

_It's a love story. Baby, just say, "yes."_

***********

"Rukia and Ichigo are really good," said Matsumoto.

"I don't get it," said Hitsugaya. "Kuchiki Rukia isn't supposed to sing...."

"What do you mean?" asked Matsumoto.

"Nevermind...."

***********

[Rukia]

_Romeo, save me. They're trying to tell me how to feel._

_This love is difficult, but it's real._

[Ichigo]

_Don't be afraid. We'll make it out of this mess._

_It's a love story. Baby, just say, "yes."_

[IchiRuki]

_Oh, oh..._

***********

Ichigo and Rukia turned their eyes towards Byakuya. He returned their gazes with an almost impassive expression. However, they could notice the slight color of red-hot anger in his eyes.

Ichigo noticed Rukia's voice getting softer and sadder on the "oh, ohs." Nevertheless, it sounded all the more perfect for the next part of the song.

[Rukia]

_I got tired of waiting,_

_Wondering if you were ever coming around._

_My faith in you was fading,_

_When I met you on the outskirts of town. And I said,_

"_Romeo save me. I've been feeling so alone._

_I keep waiting for you but you never come."_

_Is this in my head? I don't know what to think._

[Ichigo]

_I knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring_

_And said, "Marry me Juliet._

_You'll never have to be alone._

_I love you and that's all I really know._

_I talked to your Dad. Go pick out a white dress._

_It's a love story. Baby just say, 'yes.'"_

[Rukia & Ichigo]

_We were both young when I first saw you..._

All of the judges were paralyzed in transfixion for a few seconds before they gave out their results.

"That was amazing," said Yachiru. "I cried in happiness when Ichigo proposed."

"Eh, Madame President," interrupted Rukia. "He didn't propose. We were just singing."

"10!" cheered Yachiru.

"10," smiled Unohana. "You both really put your heart and soul into this song."

"That was wonderful performance," said Nanao. It was rare that Nanao used the word "wonderful." "Full points."

The crowd roared. Ichigo and Rukia beamed at each other, mesmerized at their moment.

"Full points!" smiled Ichigo.

"Nii-sama!" remembered Rukia.

Ichigo was surprised that they forgot about him too. They turned to Byakuya. He was releasing a hell butterfly from his hands. The room fell silent as the hell butterfly fluttered its way towards the judge's table. It landed on Nanao's fingers.

"_That performance was horrible," _she said in a monotone._ "You shall all disqualify those two due to their din of barnyard screeches. If you shall not do this I shall never return to Sereitei Idol again and you shall no longer enjoy my financial support. Message from Captain Kuchiki Byakuya. Tuesday, January 3__rd__. 6:34."_

The judges looked at each other in silence, pondering at what the message had just said.

"0!" said Yachiru, switching her '10' sign to a '0.' "That performance was awful!"

"0," smiled Unohana, as if she was raising up a '10' sign instead of a '0' sign.

Nanao lifted up her zero sign. "Disqualified," she said. "Due to....." She reconsulted the hell butterfly with the tip of her finger. "Your _'din of barnyard screeches._'"

"BLATANT BRIBERY!" hollered Ichigo as Rukia dragged him off the stage. "YOU READ OUT THAT HELL BUTTERFLY ALOUD! IN FRONT OF EVERYONE! HAVE YOU NO SHAME?!!!!!!"

"Look on the bright side," whispered Rukia once they got off stage. "Since our performance was a 'din of barnyard screeches,' it's not singing, and I haven't broken the Kuchiki clan rule."

"Damn you, Byakuya," spat Ichigo.

_Well, _thought Rukia. _I guess it was for the best._

* * *

AN:

Thanks for reading. Please Review ^_^


	12. The Final Results

"The Super Ice Babies"

I will never own Bleach.

AN: I've been making a few changes on this fanfiction, the most conspicuous of which is the title. I did not think that "The Big Ice Theory" was catching on. When I was beginning this fanfic all I wanted to do was write out this story but I did not have any idea of how to do basic technicalities such as giving it a title. I picked "The Big Ice Theory" because the show "The Big Bang Theory" was my favorite one at the time and I just gave it that title for the sake of giving it a title. I think "The Super Ice Babies" is more meaningful to the plot. I hope that this helps bringing up some more traffic.

Another technicality that I had trouble with was choosing the main characters. At first I picked Hitsugaya and Rukia as the main characters but then that brought in a lot of HitsuRuki fans and I was going to disappoint them. So I had the main characters as Hitsugaya and Hinamori. It doesn't suggest any Ichi/Ruki, though, and this fanfic is definately Ichi/Ruki, and I'm now thinking that there's ganna be more Ichi/Ruki than Hitsu/Hina, all though Hitsu/Hina is my favorite pairing. Now it is officially a Romance/Romance story with Rukia and Ichigo as the main characters with a Hitsu/Hina subplot.

This is my first fanfic. I'd like to thank my reviewers too. It's been really hard writing and I never really appreciate how hard it is to write fanfiction until I'm actually doing it. I also now understand how nice reviews are for authors until I became an author myself. I guess it's one of those things that one has to learn by experience... Anyway, I'm already starting my new years resolution of trying to read and review other people's fanfics. I'd like to give an extra Christmas present to my consistent readers with an extra chapter. And if you've just jumped into this fanfic, that's cool too!

* * *

Chapter 12: The Final Results

"Is there anyone else who wants to sing?" asked Isane.

There was silence.

"Very well," said Isane. "The judges shall make their decision."

"WAIT!" Hanataro Yamada went on stage. "I remember the words to my song!"

"But Hanataro," said Isane. "You've already been on stage."

"He has been on stage, yes," said Unohana gently. "But he has not sung yet. Allow him another chance."

"I would, Unohana-san," said Nanao. "However, the rules specifically say...."

"_Allow him to sing, Na-...nao-...san,_" smiled Unohana, facing herself towards Nanao. Although Unohana's general demeanor was maternal and gentle, Nanao sensed a slight demon-like threat in her voice.

"Y-y-yes," shivered Nanao.

"Very well," said Isane. She danced excitedly off the stage.

And Hanataro sang in a perfect tenor voice.

["Do I make you proud"]

_I've never been_

_The one to raise my hand_

_That was not me_

_And now that's who I am_

_Because of you_

_I am standing tall_

_My heart is full_

_Of endless gratitude_

The stupefied audience gapped. Even Unohana could not keep her jaw from dropping. Whoever knew that Hanataro could sing like this? Hanataro sang... incredibly well. And then came the super tenor-intensive section of the song.

_Everybody needs to rise up_

_Everybody needs to be loved_

_To be loved_

_Everybody need to rise on_

_Everybody needs to be loved, to be loved_

"Yes!" Yachiru bursted out tearfully, standing on the judge's table and waving a flag printed with Hanataro's face from goodness knows where. Unohana pulled her back down to her seat, but never taking her eyes off of Hanataro.

And Hanataro finished the song, stronger than anyone else that night.

_Do I make you proud?_

_Do I make you proud?_

The audience roared in applause.

"10!" bounced Yachiru

Unohana lifted up a 10 sign, but no one could her say her speak her score amid all of the applause.

Nanao also lifted up a 10 sign, but nobody paid attention to her score. The rest of fourth Divison ran onto the stage and threw Hanataro together into the air.

"Yeay Hanataro! Yeay Hanataro!"

* * *

"This was the best Sereitei Idol night wasn't it? 3 Divisions with full points!" said Isane. Matsumoto, Hinamori, Hitsugaya, and Hanataro were on stage with her. "Let's take a moment to give a round of applause to everyone on stage today."

The audience clapped enthusiastically. Even Byakuya clapped with a rare glint of passionate support in his eyes. Ichigo was the only one who grumbled.

"Since the top scorers are all tied, the Judges have decided together who will become this year's Sereitei Idol Champions."

Yachiru bounced towards Isane, handed her envelope, and back onto Kenpachi's shoulder.

"And the winner of this year's Sereitei Idol..." said Isane. She opened the envelope.

"Hanataro Yamada from Fourth Division!"

The audience roared with applause. Unohana embraced Hanataro as Nanao handed him the Sereitei Idol cup.

"Fourth Division shall be rewarded a year-long membership to Health Land, free admission to next year's Sereitei Idol, and this year's Grand prize!" said Isane with a leap.

Hinamori hugged Hanataro.

"Good Job, Hanataro," said Hinamori. "You were awesome tonight."

"Th-Thanks," said Hanataro bashfully.

"Oooh, _Hanataro_," flirted Matsumoto with a wink. "Get ready to get stone drunk with sake tonight! You'll disappoint me if you don't."

"Heh?" said Hanataro.

Hitsugaya sighed with relief. He was glad that he did not win. He was afraid of robbing his comrades of the Sereitei idol cup.

A note fell out of the envelope. There was silence again. Isane lifted it up and read it aloud.

"For showing great sportsmanship for helping out another Division," said Isane. "The judges would like to award Toshiro Hitsugaya with this year's Sereitei Idol Grand Prize!"

Hitsugaya felt the whole room's eyes pierce him from every direction. It made him squeamish.

"G-grand p-prize?" muttered Hitsugaya. "What does that mean?"

Hinamori hugged Hitsugaya. "Yeay!" she yelped "Grand Prize!"

Nanao handed Hitsugaya an organic shaped present badly wrapped in beautiful wrapping paper.

"Open it!" said Hinamori excitedly.

"Right now?" asked Hitsugaya.

"Of course!" said Matsumoto. "Openning the grand prize is a traditional part of Sereitei Idol, taicho!"

Hitsugaya opened the present. It was a polar bear plush. Its two innocent, round, black eyes gazed into Hitsugaya's bulging, teal ones. Hitsugaya held it as far away from him as possible with loose hands, as if it was a deadly snake that might bite him any moment.

"It's cute," smirked Matsumoto. "Just like you."

"I think I'm going to be sick," mumbled Hitsugaya.


	13. A Second Plan

"The Ice Babies"

AN: Even though parts of this fanfic are going to seem Hitsu/Ruki, it will ultimately turn out Ichi/Ruki and Hitsu/Hina

I will never own Bleach.

* * *

Chapter 13: A Second Plan

Everyone left the auditorium house. Shinigami were still scattered outside, talking with each other. Ichigo and Rukia met with Chad, Uryuu, and Orihime.

"Hey," said Ichigo. "Sorry that your song did not turn out."

"Next time we _will_ win," said Uryuu, eyes flashing ferociously behind his glasses.

"The problem is," said Chad, "We didn't practice enough."

"I don't think that was the problem," said Rukia softly.

"Yes," said Orihime cheerfully. "We must make sure we practice some more next time, okay?" She was speaking as if towards kindergarteners.

"You should also pick a different song," said Ichigo in a low voice.

"A different song…" muttered Uryuu

_Soft kitty, warm kitty_

_Little ball of fur_

_Happy kitty, sleepy kitty_

_Purr Purr Purr_

Sweat drops fell from Ichigo's and Rukia's heads.

"Any way," said Ichigo. "Rukia has a problem."

"A problem?" asked Orihime.

"Nii-san is arranging me a marriage," said Rukia.

"WHAT!?" Uryuu, Orihime, and Chad shouted simultaneously.

"Rukia-san is getting married?" said Orhime. "But who's your fiancé?"

"Hitsugaya Toshiro," said Rukia.

"The one with the white hair?" asked Chad

"The one with the polar bear plush?" asked Orihime.

"The little boy?" asked Uryuu.

"I am not a little boy," came a Hitsugaya's voice. He was joining them with the plush hanging loosely in his hand. "Anyway, it doesn't look like the plan's going to work."

"What plan?" asked Chad.

"The Kuchiki clan forbids singing," said Ichigo. "We were hoping that if Hitsugaya sang tonight, Byakuya would not want him in the clan anymore and thus terminate the marriage."

"Here comes Byakuya!" said Orihime cheerfully. "Let's pretend that the plan doesn't exist!"

Byakuya joined the gathering, gazing at Hitsugaya with his cool demeanor. There was a long pause of silence before he started speaking.

"You sang.... very well tonight,... Hitsugaya-taicho," said Byakuya slowly.

"Thank you, Kuchiki-taicho," said Hitsugaya.

"Understand,... Hitsugaya-taicho," continued Byakuya. "Once you join the Kuchiki clan you must never sing again. It is a rule, a custom, that must be upheld."

"I understand, Byakuya-taicho," said Hitsugaya.

Byakuya turned his eyes to Ichigo.

"Kurosaki Ichigo," said Byakuya. "If you ever again have an urge to make another theatrical rant of ear-splicing barnyard sound effects in front of public, please keep my sister out of the humiliation."

"IT WAS NOT BARNYARD SOUND EFFECTS, IT WAS SINGING AND REALLY GOOD SINGING TOO!" hollered Ichigo.

"The objective opinion thought otherwise," said Byakuya authoritatively. "Good night, Rukia."

"Good night, Nii-sama," said Rukia, kicking Ichigo before he could rant about how their was no "objective opinion" by the time that hell butterfly landed on Nanao's finger.

"Good night, Hitsugaya-taicho," said Byakuya.

"Good night, Byakuya-taicho," replied Hitsugaya robotically. Byakuya left.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY THAT YOU KNEW THE STUPID CLAN RULE AND THAT YOU SANG BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO GET OUT OF THIS STUPID MARRIAGE?!" yelled Ichigo as soon as Byakuya was out of earshot.

Everyone stared.

"I hate that bastard," said Ichigo, fuming with anger. "He pisses me off....."

Hitsugaya had an odd feeling of someone staring at him. He glanced to his left side. Rukia was looking at him with longingly eyes. Hitsugaya's insides cringed. _Oh no_ thought Hitsugaya. _She can't be falling in love with me._

The awkward silence made Hitsugaya aware of his heart beating in his burning ears.

Hitsugaya then glanced down at his polar bear plush. "You want this?" asked Hitsugaya, handing it to Rukia. Rukia's eyes sparkled. She grabbed the plush and hugged it. Hitsugaya sighed in relief. _She must like cute things._

"Why is Byakuya marrying Rukia to Toshiro, anyway?" asked Uryuu.

"It's Hitsugaya-taicho," said Hitsugaya.

"Byakuya wants them to pump out super ice babies," said Ichigo.

Rukia hit Ichigo with a mallet. "Don't say it like that!"

"It's all about babies then," said Uryuu. "So if two shinigami with similar Zanpakuto types married each other, as two ice-type shinigami like Rukia and Hitsugaya, the children will be even stronger with that type."

"I guess," said Ichigo.

"Is that proven, though?" asked Uryuu. "Does it actually happen?"

"I honestly have never heard of any cases like that," said Rukia. "Noble families usually marry for political reasons so that they won't fight each other, not for the children's shinigami powers."

"What if there is no basis in the theory?" asked Uryuu.

"We can ask Mayuri-taicho," said Hitsugaya. "We always consult him in these kinds of matters."

"M-M-Mayuri…?" stuttered Uryuu.

"He can tell us everything about Shinigami genetics," said Hitsugaya.

"But what if Byakuya's theory really is sound?" asked Ichigo.

"We might be able to get Mayuri-taicho to lie to Byakuya-taicho and tell him that it isn't," said Hitsugaya.

"I can't imagine him doing that for free, though," said Rukia. "And I don't want to think about what he'll make us do."

"You don't have to come with us," Ichigo told Uryuu. "But thanks for helping us out with the idea."

"I'll come with you!" said Uryuu. "I want to help."

"Me too," said Orihime.

"Me three," said Chad.

"Don't leave me out," came another voice. It was Renji. "I overheard Kuchiki-taicho and Yamamoto talking about the marriage this afternoon."

"Renji!" said Rukia.

"Better not talk to Mayuri tonight, though," said Renji. "I've heard he's in a foul mood. He expected to win tonight's Sereitei Idol and blames Nemu for losing."

"Poor Nemu," said Uryuu.

* * *

Extra AN: The song "Soft Kitty" comes from the Big Bang Theory.


	14. Full Moon

The Big Ice Theory

I do not own Bleach and I never will, so don't sue me because I am a poor little girl in college. So don't sue me [gazing in adorable, little-child eyes], okay?

* * *

Chapter 14: Fullmoon

_What a day it has been_ thought Rukia as she tucked Whitey, her new plush, with her in her futon.

She looked into Whitey's happy, innocent eyes. Sereitei Idol had been a blast. She got to represent13th Division at Sereitei Idol night . And she got disqualified but at least she sang. And she sang with Ichigo. He was so incredible. She smiled at the thought of Ichigo..... She forgot to thank him for singing with her. She had to remind herself to do that the next time she saw him.

Ichigo, of course, was sorely disappointed by the results but _she_ at least was happy. _Hanataro_ thought Rukia. _What a moment to shine! You really made my day!_ 4th Division rarely got any glory, so no one from 4th Division is going to get any sleep this night after this sudden victory. And she got cute little Whitey—

And of course, she was betrothed to Toshiro Hitsugaya. She would never have imagined being married to him before that morning when her brother announced his decision. She had imagined her future husband to be a tall, handsome, late teen to early 20-year-old. With orange hair... Why orange hair? Never mind...

It was only Ichigo who made her worried of being married to… well… other sorts of men. Neither Ichigo nor she had set their thoughts on a youngster like Hitsugaya. Nevertheless, he was not a bad pick for her brother to have made. He was perhaps bratty on occasion but not unkind. His white hair attested to his maturity in character rather than his years. And his eyes—.

Rukia shook her head. She should not think these thoughts. She, Hitsugaya, and her friends were all trying to get rid of this marriage. If she lets these thoughts get out of control she's going to fall in love with Hitsugaya. Their efforts would be put to shame. She would not want to succeed her and her friends to succeed. Not to mention, it would be awkward to marry Hitsugaya. She barely knew him!

But then again, it was highly unrealistic to expect to terminate the marriage. She should learn to be fond of her fate.

"Good night Whitey," said Ruki, and she fell asleep.

Deep in her heart, though, she knew that it was not Hanataro who made her day. And it was not the white haired boy whom she wanted to marry. The answer to both questions was Kurosaki Ichigo.

* * *

"Awww, taicho!" groaned Matsumoto. "Where's your itty bitty whitey bear cuddle plush?

"Stop it, Matsumoto," said Hitsugaya. "I gave it away."

"You gave it away?" sighed Matsumoto. "To who?"

_If I tell her I gave it to Kuchiki Rukia, _thought Hitsugaya _I would have to explain the marriage…_

"I gave it to Hinamori," said Hitsugaya. "It was 5th Division's performance."

"Momo-chan, huh?" said Matsumoto slyly.

"It's time for bed, Matsumoto," said Hitsugaya sternly he stepped into his room. "Good night."

Hitsugaya slid the door shut. It would have been dark if it had not been for the full moon. It was glaringly bright as if it was the sun.

_I hate full moons_ sighed Hitsugaya. _I can't fall asleep with them._

A hell butterfly landed on Hitsugaya's futon. _Orders at this time of night? I was about to fall asleep! Well, trying to fall asleep…_ _What does Yamamoto want from me this time?_ Hitsugaya touched it.

_Shiro-chan! Meet me at the infirmary's rooftop! And bring the polar bear plush with you!_

_This can't be from Yamamoto!_ thought Hitsugaya.

* * *

Hitsugaya arrived at the infirmary. Since it was also 4th Division headquarters the lights were on and it was unusually loud and rowdy in celebration of the Division's Sereitei Idol victory. The gate and the doors were closed.

"Shiro-chan!" called a voice from above. Hinamori waved cheerfully waved at Hitsugaya from below. Hitsugaya flash stepped on the rooftop.

"It's Hitsugaya-tai—," began Hitsugaya before Hinamori handed him a plate with watermelon.

"It's a great night for a date, Shiro-chan," said Hinamori. "Usually the 4th Division strictly guards the infirmary from other division members. But now they are so busy celebrating that they wouldn't notice anybody on the rooftop."

_"Rooftop... Away from the 4__th__ Division's gaze... Under a full moon..._," thought Hitsugay feeling hs heart pound in excitement. _"What makes this not a date?"_

"Take some watermelon, Shiro-chan," said Hinamori pushing the plate forward.

"It's Hitsugaya-taicho," said Hitsugaya reaching for the watermelon. Hinamori set the plate between them as Hitsugaya sat down.

"You should be glad that I'm snitching you some watermelon Shiro-chan," said Hinamori. "4th Division is as proud as any of the other Divisions and they're not letting outsiders join in their fun and goodies. That's why the doors and the gates are locked. But they still let the patients join in and I thought about you when I saw the watermelon."

_You haven't been this talkative for ages, Hinamori_ thought Hitsugaya. His mouth was too glued to the watermelon to say anything out loud.

"You like the hell butterfly I sent you? I stole one and put some chi in it to make it think that it was working for me and not for Soul Society. I came up with the spell on my own, you know."

"Brilliant," muttered Hitsugaya, too glued to the watermelon to say much.

"Next time I might make it pink," smiled Hinamori.

"Pink?" breathed Hitsugaya. Pink, like dating colors? "Why pink?"

"I don't know," smiled Hinamori.

Silence.

"I guess I'm just tired of seeing black hell butterflies all the time," said Hinamori. "I hear in the real world that butterflies come in all sorts of colors. Why can't Sereitei have different colored hell butterflies? It would only take a simple spell. Black hell butterflies can signal orders from headquarters—ones that you have to receive right away— and butterflies of other colors can signal messages from family and friends. That way we would not be so isolated from the world outside of these walls don't you think?"

"I've heard that hell butterflies are different colors on special occasions," said Hitsugaya. "Like when two shinigami are having a wedding they'll send white hell butterflies to invite everyone."

"Oh," smiled Hinamori. "I'd like to see that happen."

"Let's just hope that it doesn't happen too soon," sighed Hitsugaya.

"Oh, right," sighed Hinamori. "You have a fiancé don't you?"

Hitsugaya handed her the empty plate.

"More watermelon, already?" asked Hinamori. "You shouldn't eat watermelon so fast."

Hinamori took the plate and started to leave to get more watermelon, but then she realized something funny.

"Shiro-chan," she said. "Where's the polar bear plush?"

Hitsugaya felt cornered. He did not feel like correcting Hinamori's childish address towards him. He decided that he had to tell her the truth.

"I gave it to Kuchiki Rukia," said Hitsugaya. "I didn't want it and she wanted it, so I had to give it to her.... Because she's my fiancé."

Hinamori fell silent. Hitsugaya wondered whether if she felt betrayed.

"Oh," she said quietly. "You can't really refuse her something like that can you."

"I'm sorry, Hinamori," said Hitsugaya. "I had no idea that you would want it."

"I don't want it," said Hinamori coldly.

"Good," replied Hitsugaya in an even icier tone. He was not going to give in to her.

A silence fell between them. Hitsugaya regretted how the night was turning out. He wished that they were still talking about hell butterflies.

"We were the ones who won that polar bear plush," said Hinamori coldly. "I can't believe you'd give it away so freely."

"I was the one who won it," said Hitsugaya. He knew he was being a jerk. "I was the one who sang for your division. The judges gave it to me for good sportsmanship. It's mine and I can give it to whomever I want."

"Don't give me that," said Hinamori. "You wouldn't have been able to win that without me. At least Captain Aizen would never have given away any grand prize without my permission."

Hitsugaya stood up to face her. He felt anger prick him like needles. He would admit that she had won against him on the plush. But what Hinamori said about Aizen was wrong in so many levels that he did not know where to start counter-arguing against her—if there was any point to arguing against her at all.

"Don't talk to me about Aizen, Hinamori," said Hitsugaya. "Don't talk to me about him ever again."

Hinamori's eyes widened as if he had slapped her on the cheek.

"W-what?....But, Shiro-chan,..." stuttered Hinamori. "I can't stop thinking about him..."

"I _hate_ him, Hinamori," barked Hitsugaya. "I hate him for what he did to you—and to me—and to Soul Society. And I'm sick of listening to you talk about him."

"But he's still good," cried Hinamori. "I know he's still good deep inside."

"There's no good in him," roared Hitsugaya. "There was never any good in him. Can't see, Hinamori?! He was just a manipulative bastard."

Hitsugaya ran, leaving Hinamori. He hated how the night turned out so horribly, hated how terribly he felt for giving away the polar bear plush, hated how Hinamori started talking about Aizen. He couldn't stand it anymore.

But deep inside, he knew that he wasn't running away because of any of those things.

He was running away because he had eaten way too much watermelon—and he really needed to go to the bathroom.

Hitsugaya: I HATE YOU, NARRATOR!!!!!!

* * *

Ichigo snuck into the 13th Division women's barracks. He bought a white lily for Rukia from the real world with a note.

_I'm proud of you, Rukia, for singing with me._

_Perhaps someday you can even make Byakuya sing._

_Ichigo._

He found Rukia slumbering in a futon near the window, her face lit in the full moon's light. Ichigo smiled. He layed the flower next to her.

"Good night, Rukia," whispered Ichigo.

Rukia's eyes opened gently. Ichigo was surprised. He thought she was asleep.

**WHACK!**

"GET AWAY FROM ME, RAPIST!" screamed Rukia, whacking Ichigo away with her mallet.

"I'M NOT A RAPIST!" cried Ichigo. Nursing his head bump with his hand.

"Oh, Ichigo, it's you."

Silence. Ichigo did not expect her to be awake. But then Rukia smiled.

"Thank you for singing with me tonight," she said.

"IS THAT WHAT YOU SAY AFTER SMACKING ME ON THE HEAD WITH A MALLET?!"

* * *

AN: That was pretty off-plot... Oh well. I'm ganna update real soon and tell you what happens with Mayuri.

Happy New Year!


	15. Mayuri's Assistance

"The Super Ice Babies"

My bad! I've uploaded the wrong chapter! I've done this before. Well, here' s the right one.

I do not own Bleach.

* * *

Chapter 15: Mayuri's Assistance

Hitsugaya and Rukia organized a meeting with Captain Mayuri in 12th Division Headquarters "to inquire a scientific question." Despite the obscure subject, the paperwork passed through the bureaucracy due to Hitsugaya's high standing. The meeting with Mayuri was made official the that very morning.

Ichigo, Rukia, Renji, Chad, Uryuu, Orihime, and Hitsugaya were all gathered outside of 11th Division Headquarters.

"Now remember," said Hitsugaya to Rukia. "This is not a personal issue but a matter concerning Sereitei. Byakuya-taicho is marrying us together due to a scientific proposition. If the scientific grounds are insecure, it is to the benefit of Sereitei that we terminate the marriage."

"Yess, _taicho_," said Rukia. "I've heard you the _first time_. And the _second time_... and the _third time_..." Rukia discovered how bossy this brat was and was determined once again to break off the marriage. She could not imagine that she was growing fond of him the night before.

"Good luck," said Ichigo. Rukia and Hitsugaya nodded and entered through the gates.

* * *

Rukia and Hitsugaya arrived at the 11th Division head office and greeted Mayuri who was sitting in his chair in front of his large computer. They explained the arranged marriage to Mayuri while Nemu stood next to him impassively.

"I seeeeee," said Mayuri, his long fingernails tapping his long, artificial chin. "So you want to know whether or not two Shinigami with similar Zanpakuto types will develop offspring with an even stronger Zanpakuto of that type?"

"Yes," said Hitsugaya professionally.

"Such as yourselves?" asked Mayuri.

"You don't have to rub this in!" yelled Rukia.

"Hmmm," said Mayuri. "I can tell you that the few examples in history where two shinigami of similar types produce offspring indeed confirm the reasoning behind Byakuya's taicho's goals in marrying you two."

Hitsugaya and Rukia looked at each other. There was no doubt about it then. They were making super ice babies. As long as things stand...

"However," said Mayuri. "Those offspring would be weaker in kido spells that derive their energy from other kido energy types. For example, your ice babies will be considerably weak in fire-type kido than you two are. And you're not very strong in them yourselves."

"So specialization comes at a cost," said Rukia.

"Yes," said Mayuri. "Battle strategists, however, largely approve of specialized Shinigami."

"What would you have for telling Kuchiki-taicho that Rukia and I won't make super ice babies?" asked Hitsugaya.

Silence.

"You say you would like me to lie to Kuchiki-taicho, huh," said Mahuri, laying back on his seat and scratching his thin with his long fingernail. He was clearly interested in bribery. Of some kind....

"Hmmm," he thought, and thought.... What should he ask from Rukia and Hitsugaya.

"Ten years ago," said Mayuri. "I began a project to grow a Moon Lily."

"A Moon Lily?" asked Rukia. "Does it even exist?"

"What's a Moon Lily?" asked Hitsugaya.

"It is a flower that grows on the moon," said Mayuri. "Every part of the plant is completely white —the petals, the sepals, the stems, the leaves. It is said that when they bloom. the surface of the moon gets covered with ice. Every now and then, a seed will escape the moon's gravity from a meteor's impact and will even get caught in the earth's gravitational field and land upon the earth like a meteorite, an event so rare that the few cases that allegedly discuss its occurrence it are legendary. There are various unusual qualities about the flower. For one thing, it only grows upon snow and dies as soon as spring comes and only blooms in the coldest temperatures. However, the most intriguing thing about it is its supposed magical effects. When the flower blooms its petals glow with an iridescent light. The petals can then be boiled to make a tea that makes the drinker immortal."

"This is only legendary," said Hitsugaya. "It never actually happened, has it?"

"That is why I want to grow one," said Mayuri patiently. He leered.

Hitsugya and Rukia looked at each other.

_Should they really help this man?_ pondered Rukia.

_I can't believe the idiot is buying into this fairytale!_ thought Hitsugaya.

"I happened to discover a seed while on a mission in the middle of a soybean field of all places," continued Mayuri. "Of course, I had to guard my precious treasure when I brought it home so I grew three humanoid guardians designed specifically for the purpose of protecting my precious Moon Lily named Fafa, Fifi, and Fufu. Unfortunately, they were unfaithful and stole the seedling from me and flew away to the top of Mount Ishigaki. I wonder why they would betray precious me...

_"Perhaps it has to do something with the way you named them,"_ thought Rukia.

"They garden the Lily on the snow covered peak of Mount Ishigaki and they guard that territory fiercely," said Mayuri.

"Let me guess," said Hitsugaya. "You want us to bring us a Moon Lily from Mount Ishigaki."

"Actually, no," said Mayuri. "I would like you to make this bloom." He pulled out a pot with a pot full of snow with a completely white lily. "I managed to extract a clone from the original seedling."

_Wow,_ thought Hitsugaya. _That's a lot simpler than I was anticipating!_

"What do you need us to do?" asked Hitsugaya.

"Just channel your ice-type reiatsu unto this flower and it should do the rest," said Mayuri.

"Wait," said Rukia. She grabbed Hitsugaya's hand. "We have to talk about this."

"What do you mean?" asked Mayuri. Before she would answer, she ran out of the 12th Division headquarters, pulling Hitsugaya as if he was a banner. Before Hitsugaya knew it, he was back outside of the gates with Ichigo and his troop.

"What was that about?!" asked Hitsugaya. "That was a totally unprofessional departure!"

"We can't do this!" said Rukia.

"What can't you do?" asked Ichigo.

Rukai explained the Moon Lily dilemna.

"You can't let that man become immortal!" said Uryuu. "That man is evil."

"Immortality is impossible," said Hitsugaya. "There's no way that everything about this flower is true. Yes, I see that it's completely white... and that it grows on snow. But growing anything growing on the moon is fantasy. And tea from petals! Petal tea sounds a lot prettier than tea leaves! This whole thing is dripping with superstitious falsehoods. Let's just give him a pretty flower and have him help us end the marriage."

"Do you have to have each and every one of those myths to be confirmed before you believe all of them?!" asked Uryuu. "A can't imagine how a completely white plant can do photosynthesis. And it even grows on snow? There's definitely something extraordinary about this flower."

"I find it hard to believe that someone like Captain Mayuri would invest so much energy into mere legend, myself," said Renji. "He must seriously believe that there's truth behind the tea."

"Maybe he just heard a lot about Moon Lilies from his childhood and wants to test the theories himself, despite it's probably futility," said Chad thoughtfully. "Even brilliant people do things like that."

"I say _no_!" said Uryuu. "We can't risk having an immortal Mayuri!"

"I say _yes_!" insisted Hitsugaya. "Immortality is _impossible_!"

"I say _no_!" said Uryuu. His voice was on the verge of yelling. "My clan was _tortured_ by that man!"

"I say _yes_!" said Hitsugaya. "I'm the captain!"

"I say _no, _you...little... BRAT!" said Uryuu. His hands were twitching as if he was fighting off the urge to strangle the boy in front of him.

"I've got an idea!" said Rukia, trying to break the argument. "I've heard extensively of the Moon Lily legend myself and the Elixer of Life. The oral tradition is widespread in the district where Renji and I grew up. The petals have to be in bloom for 3 days before they can be harvested to make the Elixer."

"Like I said," said Hitsugaya. "It's dripping with fairytale superstition. Why three days?"

"We can insert a kido spell that will make the flower explode in three days while we channel in our reiatsu to make it bloom," said Rukia. "That should give Mayuri plenty of time to help us cancel out our marriage."

"I still don't think it's necessary," said Hitsugaya. "But if it makes _this_ guy happy, I'll comply."

" I HAVE A _NAME_! ITS ISHIDA URYUU!"

* * *

As Hitsugaya and Rukia channeled their icy reiatsu towards the flower. The temperature of the room dropped below freezing. Mayuri and Nemu were both wrapped up in layers of coats and blankets. Hitsugaya and Rukia, however, demanded loose clothing to release their reiatsu. Rukia was shivering, but Hitsugaya remained calm. His powerful zanpakuto enabled him to withstand the temperatures. It was incredible that amidst these temperatures a flower was thriving.

The petals of the flower were opening. Hitsugaya whispered the incantation of the time bomb. He then allowed himself to become mesmerized by the flower as it bloomed with its pearly white petals glittering with iridescent sparks.

"Marvelous," breathed Mayuri.

_"Did you put in the time-bomb?"_ whispered Rukia.

Hitsugaya directed his teal eyes towards her without moving his head and nodded slightly.

"And now I shall make the flower petals mature," said Mayuri.

"M-make them mature?" stuttered Rukia, shaking from both the cold and apprehension. "Don't you have to wait for three days, Mayuri-taicho?"

"Normally one would," said Mayuri slyly. "But I have developed my own Crescrenina Serum. Only three drops of this shall make the petals mature instantly!"

Rukia was paralyzed in horror as Mayuri fell the three drops of Serum onto the Lily. The lily's petals grew and turned so bright with white light that Rukia and Hitsugaya had to shield their eyes.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHA! I HAVE DONE IT!" laughed Mayuri evil-scientist style.

_Oh God!_ thought Rukia. _What have I done?_

Even Hitsugaya's mouth twitched in apprehension.

And then, Mayuri covered it with a light bulb glass. "FINALLY! I HAVE DISCOVERED A LIGHT SOURCE THAT DOES NOT TRASFORM INTO HEAT! I CAN NOW WORK WITH NEAR ABSOLUTE ZERO TEMPERATURES! THIS IS A MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH!"

The sweatdrops on Hitsugaya's and Rukia's heads froze instantly.

"Mayuri-taicho," said Hitsugaya calmly. "We made a deal."

"Oh," said Mayuri, losing his enthusiasm. "Yes,..."

"Is something wrong, Mayuri-taicho?" asked Hitsugaya, trying to sound calm and kind.

A long, eerie silence ensued as Mayuri pondered about something.

"I...I cannot do it," sighed Mayuri.

"Y-y-you cannot do it?" asked Hitsugaya, unable to hide his frustration. "W-why can you not do it?"

* * *

"ETHICS?!" hollered Uryu in disbelief. "HE SITES ETHICS AS THE REASON FOR WHY HE'S NOT HELPING YOU?! HOW IS IT INETHICAL TO HELP YOU AND ETHICAL TO TORTURE MY FAMILY?!!!"

"I asked him about that,..." said Hitsugaya. Uryuu's eyes widened. The little Shinigami seemed insensitive when they were arguing earlier but he had remembered about his clan and even asked Mayuri about the contradiction. Perhaps he was not such a brat after all.

His voice turned unusually sympathetic as he explained to Uryuu. "He said that the integrity of science must be upheld and he can't lie to Byakuya about science. On the other hand, the sensitivities of living specimens are of no concern to him, whether if they're to be maimed, vivisected, boiled, burned, dissolved,...."

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO QUOTE HIM WORD-FOR-WORD!"

"Now we need a plan C," said Ichigo, patting Uryuu on the back. He desperately wanted to change the subject from Uryuu's family getting tortured.

"Oooh! I know!" jumped Orihime, raising her hand and her boobs bouncing.

"What is it?" asked Ichigo.

"You know how Rukia has to marry Hitsugaya because Byakuya tells her to?" asked Orihime.

"Ah-_ha_," sang Rukia. Nobody needs reminding of _that_.

"Well," replied Orhime. "We can ask someone to tell Byakuya to not marry Rukia to Hitsugaya—Someone whom he has to obey just in the same way as Rukia has to obey Byakuya!" She said this very cheerfully as if she was discussing how beautiful the day was.

"That's not going to be easy," said Hitsugaya. "There aren't a lot of authority figures higher than Byakuya like that and few of them would be sympathetic of our situation enough to help us."

"I wonder if Captain Yamamoto might be able tell Byakuya to back off," said Renji. "I have no idea how to approach him with this marriage business, though."

Rukia pulled out a pink, girly handkerschief. _"Oh, Yamamoto-taicho,"_ sniffed Rukia, wiping away her fake tears. _"Nii-sama is forcing me to marry a person I'm not in love with. Please help me."_ She looked out in the distance with sparkling eyes.

"It's worth a shot," said Hitsugaya.

* * *

AN: Wow! Had no idea that this would be such a long chapter! (It's long for me, okay you long-fanfiction-writers!)


	16. Yamamoto's Assistance

"The Super Ice Babies"

I do not own Bleach.

* * *

Chapter 15: Yamamoto's Assistance

Organizing a meeting with Captain Yamamoto took a longer time than with Mayuri. Hitsugaya did not receive confirmation of the meeting until the day after Mayuri's meeting. A messanger handed him a rolled up piece of paper, tied with the first division's insignia on it.

"Finally!" said Hitsugaya. "I've got confirmation for the meeting." He turned his voice towards the couch. "Matsumoto!"

"Yes, taicho," said Rangiku. She was sitting up from her couch, holding a manga book from the real world in her hands.

"I'm not finished with this paperwork and I have a meeting in five minutes. Finish it up and turn it in to 1st Division headquarters."

"Yes, taicho," winked Matsumoto. He did not actually believe that she'll do the paperwork but it was worth a shot ordering her.

* * *

When Rukia and Hitsugaya arrived in Yamamoto's office, they explained their arranged marriage situation to him. Rukia performed her weeping-maiden-forced-to-marry scene in front of Yamamoto.

"I see," said Yamamoto kindly. "I must say that I cannot help but pour out my heart for you. You would kindly agree with this termination, Hitsugaya-taicho?"

"Gladly, Yamamoto-taicho," said Hitsugaya.

"Very well," said Yamamoto.

Silence.

"So...would you please tell Byakuya-taicho to terminate the marriage, Captain Commander?" asked Hitsugaya. Nervousness cracked in his voice. Certainly the solution must be obvious.

"No," smiled Yamamoto.

Rukia and Hitsgaya started to sweat in nervousness.

"So what shall you do?" asked Hitsugaya.

"Nothing," smiled Yamamoto.

Silence. Hitsugaya had never had such an awkward meeting with anyone. What was he supposed to say next? He wanted to say "thank you," but that did not make sense...

"Captain Commander," said Hitsugaya. "You said that your heart supports us. Why would you not do anything?" Rukia was impressed by how much politeness Hitsugaya was able to muster.

"As you know, Soul Society is built upon laws," said Yamamoto. "I, as the Captain Commander of Sereitei am the upholder of all of these laws, particularly the ones written in the Central 46. The most important laws, however, are the unwritten ones, passed down from generation to generation even before the foundation of Sereitei. The most fundamental of these laws is that children must obey their parents. Wards must obey their guardians. No instituted authority must trample upon this most sacred law. And thus, I must uphold the right for heads of families to be downright bastards."

Silence. Hitsugaya had no idea how to end the meeting. _Now I'm speechless_ thought Hitsugaya. The silence was killing him. He would give anything to break up this silence... anything!

Hisagi burst in with his ukele. Yamamoto tossed him a coin. He left.

More Silence. _Okay_ thought Hitsugaya. _I didn't mean that._ Then, Yamamoto spoke.

"Well," smiled Yamamoto. "Congratulations!"

_"C-Congratulations?!"_ Both Rukia and Hitsugaya were burning with frustration.

"Weddings are so wonderful," said Yamamoto cheerfully. "Some people think loveliest time of one's life is the wedding. I do. Don't you? 'course, you do! I'm so excited to watch your wedding tomorrow."

* * *

"YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW?!" hollered everyone once they got outside.

"I don't get it," said Hitsugaya facing Rukia. "Byakuya hasn't told me. He hasn't told you, has he?"

Two hell butterflies came and landed on Hitsugaya's and Rukia's fingers.

"_By the way"_ read Rukia and Hitsugaya in unison. _"You're getting married tomorrow. Love, Byakuya."_

"HE COULD HAVE AT LEAST INDIVIDUALIZED THOSE MESSAGES!" hollered Hitsugaya. "JUST MENTIONING OUR _NAMES_ WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE!"

"I can't believe that his bribery was longer than that," spat Ichigo.

"I can't believe he told you by hell butterfly," laughed Renji, as if hell butterflies held as much dignity as text messages in Soul society

"I can't believe he told Yamamoto before you, little _taicho_!" sneered Uryuu.

"I can't believe he's marrying me away tomorrow," wept Rukia.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S GOING TO BE MY BROTHER-IN-LAW TOMORROW!" hollered Hitsugaya.

"Let's stay focused!" said Chad. "We need a plan D."

"Plan D?" said Hitsugaya. "We have no time for a plan D!"

"That's the spirit, Chad!" springed Orihime. "Let's ruin the wedding Little-Mermaid-style!"

"We can't do that!" said Rukia. "Nii-san will kill you! I'm serious!"

"I still say let's do it," sneered Ichigo. He relished the thought with every ounce of zeal. "I'll do it if it's the last thing I do!"

"I got an idea!" said Orihime. "Let's put woopie cushions on everyone's seats!"

"I got an idea!" said Uryuu. "Let's off fire crackers on everyone!"

"I got and idea!" said Chad in his usual quiet tones. "Let's sing!"

"I thank all of you," said Hitsugaya. "But I think Rukia and I have put you through enough trouble."

Hitsugaya turned to Rukia and grabbed her hand. "Look, Kuchiki Rukia," he said. "Let's just go through with this. I promise you, I won't be bad to you."

Everyone was stunned. Rukia... blushed. Ichigo was frozen.

"At least we've got a common enemy in Byakuya," smiled Hitsugaya. "That at least should keep us together." He embraced her with one arm.

_Wow_ thought Rukia. _He can be really sweet..._ Rukia returned the embrace. Hitsugaya smiled tenderly.

Uryuu looked at them apprehensively. Orihime wanted to look happy but had concern etched in her eyes. Chad's jaw dropped, his eyes indiscernible because they were covered up by his banes. Ichigo's eyes widened in shock... and dread.

"Are you really going to be satisfied with _tenderness_?" blurted out Renji. He had to say aloud everything he was thinking. "'Cause Byakuya won't. Don't forget, you're ganna have to have _sex_ with each other!"

It was his turn to get Rukia's mallet treatment.

"W-What on earth,..." came a new voice. It was Matsumoto. She was carrying a load of papers.

_Oh my God,_ thought Hitsugaya. "M-Matsumoto! You actually did the paperwork?!"

"O-o-oh!" laughed Matsumoto. She smiled. "No, I was just turning it in with whatever you had done, taicho."

"GO BACK TO HEADQUARTERS AND FINISH THE PAPERWORK, MATSUMOTO!" yelled Hitsugaya.

"I-I didn't expect to see you here, though, w-with Kuchiki Rukia...!" she said. "What's going on?" Her voice was soft and crestfallen.

Hitsugaya sighed. It was time to tell her. Perhaps he should have said this a long time ago.

"Matsumoto," said Hitsugaya. "Rukia and I are getting married."

"M-m-married?" said Matsumoto.

"Kuchiki-taicho approached me with the idea," said Hitsugaya. "And I could not refuse him."

"Oh,... " said Matsumoto sadly.

"And we're marrying tomorrow," said Hitsugaya.

"T-tomorrow?" said Matsumoto. "Tomorrow?"

Matsumoto's eyes suddenly turned _FIERCE_. She shoved the wad of paperwork to Hitsugaya. "Turn this in, taicho!" said Matsumoto. "I'm confronting Kuchiki-taicho with this."

"NO, MATSUMOTO!" yelled Hitsugaya watching her light, brown hair waving away as she ran to the distance. "YOU CAN'T JUST FACE KUCHIKI BYAKUYA LIKE THAT! MATSUMOTO, I CAN'T TURN THIS IN! IT'S NOT FINISHED! COME BACK HERE, MATSUMOTO!"

"I'll take that paperwork back to 10th Division headquarters, Hitsugaya-taicho," said Renji.

"Thank you, Renji," said Hitsugaya handing the paperwork to Renji. He turned to the others. "Let's stop Matsumoto before she makes the whole thing worse!"

"Can it get worse?" asked Ichigo.

"With Matsumoto, it can," said Hitsugaya.

* * *

AN: I think this next chapter is going to be the best one. Don't miss it!


	17. Matsumoto's Assistance

"The Super Ice Babies"

I don't own Bleach.

And now presenting the Must-Read-Chapter!

* * *

Chapter 17: Matsumoto's Assistance

Hitsugaya eventually did catch up to Matsumoto, but not before she burst into Byakuya's office.

"Kuchiki-taicho," said Matsumoto in her most formal tone. "I must speak to you."

"I apologize Kuchiki-taicho, I didn't tell my vice-captain to come here," said Hitsugaya. He to keep his voice formal but could not keep panic from ringing in his voice.

"That is fine, Hitsugaya-taicho," said Byakuya coolly. "Allow Vice-Captain Matsumoto speak."

Hitsugaya gulped in nervousness. He watched as Matsumoto stood tall, her eyes serious and formal.

"You cannot marry Hitsugaya-taicho to your sister," said Matsumoto. "They are simply incompatible. Hitsugaya-taicho needs a woman who will melt his ice-cold soul with fire. Rukia, likewise, cannot be with another ice-Shinigami like Hitsugaya-taicho. They are simply not meant for each other. You _know _this, Kuchiki-taicho!"

She said the last sentence very forcefully. Hitsugaya groaned, certain that Matsumoto had overstepped her grounds. To his surprise, however, he saw Byakuya stroking his chin, pondering on what Matsumoto had just said. A light of hope sudden lit up in his heart. _Is Matsumoto actually helping for once?_

"You know what," said Byakuya facing Matsumoto. "You're right."

Hitsugaya could not help himself from making a sigh of relief.

_Wow, Matsumoto_ he could not help himself feel giddy with gratitude. _Sometimes you are so unreliable. But sometimes you are just great. No, not great, marvelous._

"I have to ask you something, though, Matsumoto-fukutaicho," said Byakuya. "If you are so certain that Hitsugaya-taicho and Rukia cannot fall in love... why did you suggest their marriage to me in the first place?"

"Geh!" cringed Hitsugaya. His new-found respect for his vice-captain which had grown so solid over the last few seconds completely sublimed.

"Wah! I didn't say anything about that did I?" said Matsumoto. The dignity that she had mustered so well earlier had completely vanished.

"It does not matter, though," said Byakuya in his cool tone, though with a smile. "It is the super-ice babies and the protection of Sereitei that matters most. Not the happiness and functionality of the Kuchiki family." He rose. "I must turn this paperwork in to the 1st Division. Sayonara! Did you two get my hell butterfly, Hitsugaya-taicho?"

"YES I GOT YOUR HELL BUTTERFLY!" hollered Hitsugaya, completely losing his ability to contain his wrath. He had never yelled at another captain his whole life.

Nevertheless, Byakuya smiled as if Hitsugaya had just complimented him on his hair. "Very well," he said. "I shall see you tomorrow." He left.

Matsumoto turned slowly to her taicho behind her. Red flames of fury consumed him, his eyes flashed like a demon's.

"_Matsumoto....._ _Which...of... your...deadly...sins...possessed...you...to...do...this?"_ he hissed.

"Oh,...I don't know..." said Matsumoto tipsily, this time truly intimidated by her captain's fury. "Greed... Wrath... Pride... Temperance?" She dug out a bottle of sake from her robes and starting drinking.

"Temperance!?" asked Hitsugaya. "Matsumoto, did sake make you tell Byakuya-taicho to marry me to Rukia?!"

"But _taicho_," whined Matsumoto. Her cheeks were red and sweet "I had to!"

"You _had to?!_ Why did you have to?!" Hitsugaya felt like he was talking to her like a therapist. And he was. Serious concern for Matsumoto slightly added to his swarming mix of emotions.

"Because, taicho," said Matsumoto smilingly. She sat herself down on the chair in front of Byakuya's desk. "You clearly have the _hots_ for Hinamori..."

"What?! I do _not_!" he sounded a little too defensive. "And I don't get it!"

"But how is Romeo supposed to get Juliet if all he does is shut himself in his office and do paperwork? At this rate, you'll never be with Hinamori. All you ever do is paperwork—lots and lots of paperwork!" she said airily. "But _maybe_ if Romeo was going to marry some other girl, Juliet would just go running for Romeo!" She said the last slyly.

Silence.

"Matsumoto...." said Hitsugaya keeping his teeth closed as if trying to keep himself from biting something. "First of all, if you had such a problem with me working such long hours in my office, why didn't you help me? Just to cut down on my work time?"

Matsumoto blinked. "Wow, taicho!" she said, her cheeks becoming rosy. "That's such a great solution! You're so smart."

"I'M NOT SMART I JUST HAVE COMMON SENSE!

"Second of all," continued Hitsugaya summoning all of his self-control to fight off his anger. "What kind of cupid gets Romeo together with Juliet by having Romeo marry someone else?!"

"Oh," said Matsumoto. "Now that I think of it, that was a totally inappropriate way to hook you up with Hinamori!"

"Yes, Matsumoto, it was inappropriate," said Hitsugaya, raging more savagely towards Matsumoto than it ever had towards her. "In fact, THERE CAN NEVER BE AN APPROPRIATE WAY TO MEDDLE IN MY LOVE LIFE!"

Rukia and Ichigo arrived in the office. "Oh my god!" said Rukia. "I thought you were yelling at Nii-sama!"

"No, he's just yelling at me" said Matsumoto cheerfully. Everything was perfectly normal.

"Are you alright, Hitsugaya?" asked Ichigo. "You look _really_ mad."

"You're right, I'm mad, Kurosaki!" seethed Hitsugaya. He turned his eye contact towards Rukia. "I've just found out that Matsumoto hooked us up together!"

"What?!" shoted Ichigo and Rukia in unison. "Why?!"

"It doesn't matter," said Hitsugaya. "Come, Rukia. Let's go on a date. We can eat wherever you'd like."

"Oh, okay," smiled Rukia. She walked over to Hitsugaya

"W-what, taicho?" said Matsumoto.

"Go to 10th Division Headquarters and finish up the paperwork, Matsumoto," ordered Hitsugaya angrily.

Ichigo watched as Rukia and Hitsugaya left the office.

"B-but, taicho can't marry Rukia!" said Rangiku. "He mustn't. What shall I ever do, Kurosaki Ichigo?"

Ichigo's eyes, hot with fury, turned towards Matsumoto. "You are going to help us ruin the party, Matsumoto. That's what you're going to do!"

* * *

Hell butterflies, white as a cheery wedding, fluttered throughout Sereitei. One of them entered through a window in the 4th Division's infirmary. Hinamori reached out her gentle hands weakly to receive the hell butterfly. She smiled with her eyes closed like a dreamy child, not having a care in he world. And then the hell butterfly landed softly upon her gentle hands.

The smile faded as she read the hell butterfly. She opened her eyes slowly to gaze upon the white hell butterfly, resting upon her hands folded like a flower.

Hinamori crushed the hell butterfly in her hands and threw it unto the floor. The hell butterfly trembled helplessly with its wings bent. Unable to fly, it tried to walk with its wings flopping about.

Stomp! Hinamori crushed the hell butterfly with her bare feet. She eyed the spot where her foot was, where the butterfly once was with cruel, dangerous eyes.

* * *

AN: And now comes...the wedding!


	18. The Wedding

"The Super Ice Babies"

I do not own Bleach

I had to do some research on traditional Japanese weddings to write up this chapter. This wedding, however, is a variation of the traditional Japanese wedding rather than an actual traditional Japanese wedding. Quite honestly, it is not a Japanese wedding at all because I've thrown in wedding traditions from a wide array of cultures. More info after the chapter.

* * *

Chapter 18: The Wedding

Ichigo wore his usual black kimono for the occasion. He met Orihime, Uryuu, Chad, Renji, and all wearing white, formal traditional attire in Sereitei Square where the wedding was supposed to take place.

"So," said Ichigo. "How is the plan going?"

"As you can see, Ichigo, very well," said Chad pointing to a huge pile of chairs towering in the middle of the square.

"Well, no one's going to sit then," said Ichigo. "And Uryuu, did you finish up making Hitsugaya's wedding outfit?"

"Yes, Kurosaki," said Uryuu. "I worked all day yesterday and last night to finish up the spinning and sewing. "

"I've heard that Matsumoto is giving it to Hitsugaya," smiled Renji.

"Matsumoto-san also lent Captain Unohana some hairpins and wrote out the wedding vows for her," cheered Orihime.

"What does that mean?" asked Ichigo.

"All she said was 'You'll see," shrugged Orihime.

* * *

Matsumoto and Hitsugaya were in their office when she presented him his bridegroom outfit.

"Ahh...Matsumoto," asked Hitsugaya. "Did you make that?"

"Of course, I did, taicho," smiled Matsumoto. For some reason Hitsugaya thought that she was lying. Nevertheless, he pretended that he did not.

"Ah-," he breathed. A silence fell between them while Hitsugaya inspected it further.

"Matsumoto... why is it white?" asked Hitsugaya. "Only the bride's kimono is supposed to be white."

"Oh, taicho, but this is a special wedding!" smiled Matsumoto. "It's a wedding celebrating the ice-type Shinigami! Everyone's wedding attire, even the guests', is white, not just the bride's. See? Even I'm wearing white! That's also why this wedding's in winter rather than in spring or autumn."

"Ah-," said Hitsugaya. Well that settles the trouble he had with the whiteness. But still... he had further issues with his bridegroom outfit. He stared at it and blinked. Seconds passed before he asked his next question.

"Matsumoto, why are there snowflakes on my _hakama_ {kimono pants}?" asked Hitsugaya.

"It further attests to the winter theme of this wedding, taicho!" smiled Matsumoto.

"I think the snowflakes carry it too far, Matsumoto," said Hitsugaya.

"You can't carry anything too far with a party theme!" said Matsumoto.

"I also think that the polar bear on my kimono carries it too far. And the penguins on my _haori_," said Hitsugaya.

"Not just penguins, taicho," smiled Matsumoto. "Skating penguins!"

"Matsumoto," said Hitsugaya. "Are you sure this is a wedding kimono? Not some kind of Christmas outfit from the real world?"

"Oh, taicho, I didn't _buy _it, no!" said Matsumoto innocently.

"Matsumoto, I'm not wearing that!" said Hitsugaya. "It's humiliating!"

"Well, it's more humiliating to go naked on your wedding day!" snarled Matsumoto like a mother threatening to throw her child naked in the cold if he does not where his wedding outfit that she had made for him. She tackled Hitsugaya, forcing him into his snowflaked kimono pants, his polarbeared kimino and his skating-penguined haori.

"See, taicho?" said Matsumoto, holding up a mirror. "You look cute."

"I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK CUTE, MATSUMOTO, I'M SUPPOSED TO LOOK DIGNIFIED!"

"Hitsugaya-taicho," came a voice from outside. "Byakuya-taicho is coming to inspect your kimono right now."

"Oh, God!" said Hitsugaya. He and Matsumoto got up as quickly as she had tackled him to the ground.

"We're ready!" said Matsumoto before Hitsugaya could collect himself.

Byakuya burst in. "Good morning, Hitsugaya-taicho," he said. He carried his usual cool mien but had an unusual jolly twinkle in his eyes, suited for a wedding day.

"Good morning, Kuchiki-taicho," said Hitsugaya, trying to sound as cool and collected as he could, his head roaring with curses towards Matsumoto—for a myriad of reasons. Byakuya looked at Hitsugaya with his bridegroom outfit. Several seconds passed in silence, which felt like an eternity to Hitsugaya as if Byakuya was inspecting him naked.

"Very good," said Byakuya. "The polar bear and penguins are wearing my scarf, a quintessential symbol of Kuchiki nobility. How appropriate for your admission to the Kuchiki clan. I am so proud."

* * *

Matsumoto was trying to lead Hitsugaya out of the 10th Division office but he found the thought of going out in public with his kimono overbearing.

"It's okay, taicho," smiled Matsumoto coaxingly like a mother trying to get her child to eat broccoli. "No one's going to laugh."

A roar of laughter exploded out of nowhere. Hitsugaya turned. Ichigo, Orihime, Uryuu, Renji, and Chad were all on the floor.

"This has been set up hasn't it?" yelled Hitsugaya. "You were all in this together!" He eyed Matsumoto fiercely.

"Eh..." said Ichigo and Matsumoto in unison. They could not lie to him.

"Which one of you made this?" asked Hitsugaya angrily, grabbing a handful of his haori.

A laugh came from one of them. Hitsugaya drew out Hyourinmaru with its sheath still intact.

"I DIDN'T SAY THAT I DID!" cried Uryuu, realizing that his solo cry of terror was as good as a confession.

Hitsugaya chased Uryuu around 10th Division headquarters with his sheathed sword. He was going to beat him good.

* * *

In 4th Division headquarters, Captain Unohana was helping Rukia getting ready for the most beautiful day in her life.

"It was so generous of your brother to have the Shinigami Women's Association sponsor your wedding, Kuchiki Rukia!" smiled Unohana.

"Funny how you use the word 'generous' instead of 'kind' or 'considerate," muttered Rukia.

"Hurry up!" came Isane's voice from the door. "Kuchiki-taicho wants to inspect Rukia-san!"

"We're ready, Isane," said Unohana.

Rukia looked at herself in the mirror. She was wearing a lovely, white, silky _shiromuka_ {bride kimono}, ornated with lilies pale as the snow. Her face was covered with white make-up in order to present her maidenhood to the gods. The _obi_ wrapped around her waste was also white making it camouflage so well with the rest of her kimono if it had not been for the large bow on her back which was so large that it made her look like she had sprouted butterfly wings. She looked very much like Sodo no Shirayuki with her hair dyed white for the occasion. Except... there was something wrong with the hairpins.

"Captain Unohana-san," said Rukia. "Why are there penises and naked women sticking of my hair?"

"It is because you are a virgin, my dear," smiled Unohana.

"I CAN'T SHOW MY BROTHER THIS, UNOHANA-SAN!" cried Rukia. "PLEASE, GET IT OUT OF MY HAIR!" Why did she had to wear those hairpins to represent her virginity? Didn't the white clothing and makeup make her a virgin enough?!

"It's too late now, my dear," smiled Unohana as if Rukia was whining about her haircut. "Your brother's outside!"

Byakuya burst in. "Good morning, Rukia." He carried his usual cool, patriarchal mien but had an unusual jolly twinkle in his eyes, suited for a wedding day.

Normally, Rukia would have cherished any form of eye contact from her brother like a blue moon. This time, however, she dreaded his gaze more than anything.

Byakuya, however, smiled with approval. "You look beautiful, Rukia," he said. "Your kimono is regal as a noble bride's ought to be. Your face is so innocent as any bride ought to be. Your _obi_—the design is so unique and it almost makes you look like a fairy with butterfly wings. And your hairpins.... What a wonderful introduction of Western mythology! They are the goddesses Venus, Minerva, and Juno in the Judgement of Paris. Minerva is the goddess of maidenhood and modesty with her loincloth, Venus is the goddess of motherhood with her son Cupid, and Juno the goddess of marital fidelity. I see that Juno is the one with golden apple this time, a deviation from the original tradition. How appropriate for the nuptial occasion! I like them. And the penises... nothing particularly appropriate about them, but I like them too."

Despite the almost never existent compliments Byakuya had just given her, Rukia gulped. Whatever her brother liked, she had to wear.

_Why did he have to say he liked the penises?!_ Rukia screamed in her head.

* * *

Orihime, Chad, Ichigo, and Renji rushed Uryuu to the 4th Division Headquarters. He was badly bruised with multiple bumps on his head. Other than that he was probably fine but they wanted to take him to the infirmary just to be sure.

"What on earth happened?" asked Captain Unohana.

"Hitsugaya-taicho beated him," said Renji. "He was upset by the wedding outfit that Uryuu had made him."

"My goodness!" said Unohana. "Where's Hitsugaya-taicho? I must berate him for such aggressive behavior!"

"He's still in 10th Division headquarters getting coaxed by Matsumoto to go out in public in his wedding outfit," said Renji. Everyone snickered.

"Well tell Hitsugaya-taicho that he ought to come here and apologize to Uryuu for beating him!" said Unohana.

"It's, okay," smiled Uryuu. "It was still worth a good laugh."

"You mean you intended to make him ashamed of his wedding kimono on purpose?!" asked Unohana.

"Of course!" said Ichigo. "We're ruining the wedding!"

"You're ruining the wedding?" came a voice. Rukia entered the room, her white butterfly wings fluttering.

The troop burst out laughing. "Oh God!" laughed Ichigo. "Hitsugaya isn't funny anymore!"

"I can't believe you've got penises and naked women in your hair!" Uryuu said, laughing as hard as he could despite the pain.

"What do you mean Hitsugaya isn't funny anymore? What's so funny about him?" asked Rukia angrily. "And these aren't just naked women. They're the three goddesses in the Judgment of Paris!"

"Really?" chuckled Renji. "All I see is naked women and penises."

Rukia pointed to one of them. "Look!" she said. "This is Minerva, the goddess maidenhood and modesty!"

"I see how modest she is, wearing nothing but a transparent loincloth!" laughed Ichigo.

"You...," snarled Rukia, "Are the worst friends ever!"

* * *

It was traditional in Soul Society for a married woman to administer the exchange of wedding vows. An old widow of a fallen soldier was ideal for the honor. Thus, Captain Unohana was selected, because her husband had died in war and she had never sought consolation from a different man. At least, she had never _married_ another man....

Thus she stood in front of the open doors of the Sereitei temple. She wore a kimono, which she had worn in her own wedding many years ago. It was plain and its original whiteness had slightly grey from its years. Unohana had her long, raven-black strands of hair flowing down her back this time in contrast to her usual braids flowing down her bosom. She smiled and bowed at each member of the procession as they passed.

About fifty to sixty ice-typed Shinigami from various divisions lead the procession, wearing silky white kimonos. Yamamoto followed them and was further followed by Byakuya, their expressions sullen and ceremonious. They were wearing their captain uniforms, dedicating the wedding to Sereitei. Finally, the bride and groom proceeded side-by-side. Hitsugaya's scarf covered the two skating penguins on his _haori_ but there was nothing to cover up his polar bear. Rukia likewise wore a pale, white veil on her head, which covered her mortifying headdress slightly enough to escape the notice of the public: It was something to be only seen by the bridegroom. Her eyes were as formal as her brothers. Unlike her brother, however, Rukia lowered her head in a gesture of modesty. The white butterfly-like wings on the back of her obi blew in the chilly winter wind.

"My God, this looks expensive," said Ichigo, who was conspicuous in the crowd for wearing black instead of white aside from his lack of effort to keep his voice down. "Byakuya must be really invested in those Super Ice Babies."

"Look at Hitsugaya," whispered Chad. "He's _shaking_."

"It can't be from cold," whispered Orihime. "I've heard from Rukia that he can handle insane cold."

"He has the eyes of a deer in headlights," whispered Renji.

"He's _white_!" whispered Uryuu. "Like he's going to faint! Now I feel bad about his polar bear outfit."

"It's not the polar bear that's making him nervous, Uryuu," said Ichigo. "It's getting married."

"Rukia's really pretty," whispered Orihime. "I only just realized that. She looks really sad, though. It's making me sad. Rukia's getting married, you guys, and it's sad!"

"She's taking it pretty good," humphed Ichigo. "Can't believe she'll just go with this."

* * *

_God, I wish I could have Ichigo by my side now,_ thought Rukia. _What am I going to do? I need some emotional support._

Rukia tried to grab Hitsugaya's hand but grab his wrist instead. His pulse was _racing_; it was on fire like a machine gun. She turned her eyes towards him. Usually, Hitsugaya had the demeanor of dragon but now he looked like a deer in headlights.

"Hitsugaya," she whispered, almost rebuking him. "You can't be _this_ scared! You're making _me_ nervous!"

Hitsugaya only replied with teeth chattering, shaking harder than ever.

Rukia suddenly felt cold herself. And she never felt cold before this day. A chilly breeze wafted through the couple, blowing Rukia's butterfly wings to the side. She shivered.

"God, Hitsugaya!" hissed Rukia. "I don't need this! I mean, I'm scared too, but you're the one who's shaking. You're supposed to comfort me, dammit!"

Hitsugaya gave her the same reply as he had before.

"You can handle any life-or-death battle and you can't handle a _wedding_?" whispered Rukia.

The words offered Hitsugaya no comfort. Rukia shivered.

* * *

"Has it suddenly gotten colder?" whispered Orihime.

"I feel it too," said Ichigo.

"Here," said Uryuu, lifting up his cape, which was as big as a blanket. "It's wool. Let's cuddle up."

"I'd like some blanket too!" said Ichigo.

"Here," said Chad, lifting up a cloak as large as Uryuu's. "It's wool. Let's cuddle up."

"Thanks," said Ichigo to Chad.

"_Thanks_," whispered Uryuu to Chad.... for a very different reason.

* * *

Hitsugaya and Rukia finally arrived before Unohana. They formed a triangle around a tall, unlit candle with the character for the Kuchiki family name. A small, lit candle was at the foot of the large Kuchiki candle. It had the character "eternal" written on it. A several rings of short, stout candles surrounded them.

Two large, white hell butterflies brought Unohana two candles. She wrote Rukia's name on one and Hitsugaya's name on the other. The simple process felt like an eternity as Unohana drew each line. Rukia felt the butterfly wings on her black waving through the cold, icy winds. She wished the ceremony would go faster so that she could go inside and get warm. She looked at her bridegroom. She thought it was impossible that Hitsugaya could shake anymore than he did during the procession but he was.

"Uh, Unohana-taicho," whispered Byakuya, sufficiently audible for the people close by. "Can you hurry up? This has been taking you five minutes."

"I must take my time, Kuchiki-taicho!" hissed Unohana, eyeing him fiercely with a slight shift with her eyes. "Do _not_ interrupt me again!"

Byakuya did not dare make any more requests, even as the time ticked by for another five more minutes. Rukia could not bear to look at Hitsugaya anymore. It was painful enough to just be next to him. She tried to focus her eyes intently on a subtle bump on the Kuchiki candle. She felt so cold that she almost could not believe that the wings on her back were not freezing off. Finally, Unohana finished writing the names of the wedded-to-be upon the candles and began the vows.

"We gather here today," said Unohana. "To honor the coming births of Super Ice Babies. Hitsugaya Toshiro, Kuchiki Rukia, hold out your hands."

Hitsugaya and Rukia squirmed when they heard Unohana say that.

* * *

"Wow," said Ichigo. "That was really brief and to the point... and blunt. I wonder if all weddings in Soul Society are like this."

"No," said Renji. "Just this one."

* * *

Rukia held out her hand. She waited for Hitsugaya to put his hand over hers. She looked at him. He was frozen as if he had forgotten how to move. Unohana grabbed his hand and put it over Rukia's. Unohana continued the ceremony.

"Rukia from the Kuchiki House, Honored Shinigami of Thirteenth Division," said Unohana. "Do you vow to clean for Hitsugaya Toshiro, cook for him, obey every single meaningless command that comes out of his mouth, and pump out for him thirteen Super Ice Babies?"

_THIRTEEN SUPER ICE BABIES?!_ thought Rukia.

_THIRTEEN SUPER ICE BABIES?!_ thought Hitsugaya.

"THIRTEEN SUPER ICE BABIES?!" hollered Ichigo. This time everyone heard him. Renji shoved Ichigo's head down before Byakuya could identify the location of the voice.

Ichigo's raucus caused many heads turning. The brief, silent chaos lasted long enough for Rukia to regain her composure.

She quietly said "I do," with lips so cold that she was surprised that they were not frozen together. She guessed she could _try_ to give birth to thirteen children; probably one for each division. She did not care. She wanted the ceremony to be over with so that she could warm up. Probably with her new husband... Unohana handed Rukia her candle. She lit it with the small, candle of eternity and transferred its fresh flame to the Kuchiki candle.

"_Come on, Hitsugaya,_" Rukia thought, unable to look at the pale, sickly child next to her. _"You've got to pull through this. Just say 'I do' and finish the candle ceremony."_

Before Rukia could finish her thoughts, Unohana began the bridegroom's vows.

"And do you, Hitsugaya Toshiro, Captain of Tenth Division," said Unohana in a sudden low breathy tone, breathing hard. "In turn vow to caress Kuchiki Rukia in your arms, stroke her hair, feel her lips and her cheeks with your soft fingers—to hold her so close that your heart and her heart beat as one— Do you vow to kiss her with your soft lips upon her maiden soft skin, to blow her neck with your fresh, cool breath—vow to hand her your first fruit from your ripe, hot harvest—to throw her on the floor, rip off her clothes and flog her with them until she's raw, to eat her like a famished wolf, and spank her—spank her so hard that the ends of the earth hear her shrieking 'SHIRO-CHAN!'"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" roared Ichigo like a wounded lion. He had the hands and expression of The Scream.

Unohana breathed heavily like a savage woman. Hitsugaya stared at Unohana. He could not breathe least of all speak. His attempts of purging out words felt like trying to vomit. Seconds passed. Finally, the boy spoke.

"I-I....c-can't... eat... her," stuttered Hitsugaya softly in a high voice. "A-and I-I.... I d-don't grow fruit."

"Oh yes you do," leered Unohana slyly.

"Just say the words," said Byakuya softly.

"Y-you want me t-to d-do all of that to Rukia?" said Hitsugaya weakly. He wanted to address the question to Rukia herself but he could not bear to look at the girl with the butterfly wings anymore than she was able to look at him.

Silence.

"Why not?" replied Byakuya blasély.

_Why not?... Why not?... Why not?...._ _Why not?.... Why not?.... _Byakuya's voice rang in Hitsugaya's head. As well as Unohana's. _SHIRO-CHAN! SHIRO-CHAN! SHIRO-CHAN!_ Hitsugaya felt dizzy. The image of the girl from his childhood popped up in his head. And finally he heard Ichigo's roar resound in his ears: _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!..... _

"I can't do this," said Hitsugaya faintly, pale as a ghost. He fainted.

* * *

The Shinigami started buzzing in worry.

"Surely, the bridegroom doesn't drop to the floor in all Soul Society weddings," said Ichigo.

"No," said Renji. "Just this one."

* * *

Rukia's jaw dropped. Unohana knelt down and inspected Hitsugaya. Byakuya and Yamamoto leaned over calmly. Silence fell between them while Rukia's heart beated helplessly.

Finally, Unohana looked up towards Rukia and smiled. Rukia's heart leapt for the good news.

"He's still alive," she smiled.

"WELL I'M GLAD HE IS!" yelled Rukia. She never _thought_ he was dead.

"I sense.... a disturbance...." said Byakuya, looking pensive.

Rukia could not help but stare at him. There were many times when she felt proud and protected being his surrogate daughter, but this was not one of them.

"Approaching," concluded Byakuya.

CRASH! A figure was spinning through the long tables on the outskirts of the ceremonial gathering, smashing the towering wedding cakes. Frosting flew off of the dancer's blade, swishing dangerously. The figure stopped, standing on the heap of cakes with piercing eyes, hot as fire. She grabbed a handful of cake and charged through the aisle towards the bride.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" she hollered. She threw cake at Rukia's face, but not before she was able to drag out Sado no Shirayuki from her kimono and block the cake. The figure struck her sword at Rukia. Rukia blocked the blade. The impact made the butterfly wings on her back flutter.

"Who...." began Rukia. But it was not long before she recognized the face of Momo Hinamori, red with ferociousness and hatred. Long, unruly strands of hair lacked her usually neat hairbun. She looked like a wildwoman as if she had spent years in the wilderness. She would have looked even more frightening if she her hair and kimono had not been covered with chunks of wedding cake.

"Vice-Captain Hinamori," breathed Rukia.

But before Rukia could say anything further Hinamori retorted with a roar of a mother tigress whose cub has been approached too closely.

"KUCHIKI RUKIA, I'm going to kill you!"

* * *

AN: Okay, maybe _this_ chapter is the best one. But the climax isn't finished yet! We still need fight scenes 'cause what's a climax without fight scenes? And of course, we need the resolution. I can't imagine getting a better chapter than this one though. The chapters are also ganna get longer. I think it's because I feel like I'm telling a story more than I'm telling jokers. But there'll still be jokes!

More notes:

Byakuya's attributes of the Goddesses in the Judgment of Paris are slightly nontraditional. Minerva, Venus, and Juno are the goddesses of Wisdom/War, Sexual Lust/Love, and Marriage sequentially. Juno is more of a goddess of motherhood than Venus. However, Venus is often depicted with her son Cupid and Minerva is famous for her virginity. Thus, Byakuya's interpretation is valid in his patriarch-talking-to-his-young-female-relative-about-to-get-married sort of way.

The joining of candle flames is prevalent in old Chinese weddings. This I know for sure.

A married woman administered nuptial ceremonies in Ancient Rome with the holding of hands.

Wedding vows are exclusive to Christian weddings, as to my knowledge.

There isn't an obi on Japanese bridal kimonos. I added the obi with butterfly wings for literary effect.

Apparently, Byakuya's scarf was woven by a famous Japanese silk weaver and was passed down from generation to generation in the Kuchiki family. His scarf has such a value that it can buy out several houses. That was why he was so proud to see Hitsugaya's penguins and polar bear wearing them.


	19. The Flame Tigress and The Ice Maiden

"The Super Ice Babies"

I do not own Bleach.

AN: I'm dying to change this story's status to complete. My J-term is going to be done on Friday and I got a big paper to do right now. But don't worry. I'll finish this story by the end of January. Or at least by February 2. That's my absolute deadline 'cause that's my sister's birthday and I'm ganna send her the whole story when it's done. In the meantime, thanks for putting up with my incompletion, which is temporary unless if something like death stops me.

* * *

Chapter 19: The Flame Tigress and The Ice Maiden

Hinamori threw a strike at Rukia's neck. Rukia leapt aside and the strike sliced of one of her butterfly wings. It was easy to dodge but the move but it nonetheless shook Rukia.

_She's seriously trying to kill me._

But then, Rukia noticed that Hinamori had paused. She was looking down with sad eyes at Hitsugaya who was unconscious and white as a corpse. Rukia felt herself breath hard. Hinamori looked up to her again, her eyes reignited with hatred.

"Kuchiki Rukia, how can you do this to my Shiro-chan!" roared Hinamori.

"I didn't do anything!" cried Rukia. She blocked another strike from Hinamori.

"You've killed him!" screeched Hinamori.

"He's not dead!" cried Rukia.

"How can you say that?" screamed Hinamori. "He's white as a corpse!"

Now straight-thinking people can discern by now that Hinamori is a jealous, crazy person who has been tragically drawn to violence in her jealousy and craziness. One can also conclude that protecting yourself from a jealous and crazy person with a proven intent to seriously harm you by means of logic and reason would be just as effective as protecting yourself from a raging tsunami by building yourself a sandcastle to block yourself from the deluge. This, of course, is very ineffective. First of all, it takes a great deal of time to construct a decent sandcastle, and the incoming tsunami is likely to devour you before you are able to even gather up all the sand that you would require to build one. Second of all, even if you happen to be an extraordinary individual who can construct yourself a decent sandcastle so fast that you can outpace the incoming tsunami from the time that you see it to the time that it arrives at the point on the beach you happen to be on, it would not matter how well your sandcastle is constructed. Tsunamis are simply undeterred by sandcastles as jealous and crazy people are undeterred by logic and reason. The only way to avoid harm from a tsunami or a jealous, crazy person is to EVACUATE THE AREA.

However, Rukia was unfortunately not a straight-thinking person as you and I are and tried to use logic and reason to calm Momo Hinamori in her vindictive rage.

"But Vice-Captain Hinamori.... Hitsugaya was like this before he fainted..... And he's unconscious, he's not dead!.... Ask Unohana-san, she'll tell you he's not!.... And he got really pale because he was so nervous about getting married.... And I was really nervous about getting married too, he was just more nervous. And it's not my fault we're getting married. Really! You see, Nii-sama arranged it...! And I can't go against my brother's wishes...."

"AAAAAAARRRRRRRGH!" roared Hinamori. She would hear none of it and just launched dozens of fireballs at Rukia, which were blocked and dodged.

Byakuya blocked Hinamori's sword. He held Zenbonsakura almost loosely with one hand as he gazed calmly down towards her. He could hear Tobiume crackle against Senbonzakura from Hinamori's shaking shaking. She looked at him angrily but silently. She was not willing to pursue a fight with a captain. This was the perfect time to explain to her the marriage situation and order her to cease fighting.

Byakuya turned his head towards Rukia and gave a pat on her shoulder.

"Rukia," he said. "Don't shame the Kuchiki clan. Win."

He left.

* * *

"That... was totally unnecessary," said Uryuu.

"Hm," grunted Chad in agreement.

"COME ON, BYAKUYA, OWN THIS MESS LIKE A MAN!" hollered Ichigo.

* * *

Hinamori threw more fireballs at Rukia.

"I don't want to fight you!" yelled Rukia in distress. "Why do you want to kill me so much?!"

"B-because...." Hinamori started crying and stuttering. Rukia was startled by her mood swing. "B-because... I-I love Shiro-chan. And you c-can't h-have him."

Rukia was startled by the revelation. "I didn't know that you were in love with him."

"Of course I'm not in love with him!" retorted Hinamori. "I love him like a little brother!"

* * *

Hitsugaya twitched. He felt strange, like someone had just handed him a plate of watermelon and snatched it away from him right when he almost touched one. But he did not know why. He opened his eyes. _Oh my God! The ceremony!_ he thought.

He got up, but realized that everyone was staring at two distant figures sparring. One of them was Rukia... and the other was...

"BAKA, HINAMORI!" yelled Hitsugaya.

"Shiro-chan!" gasped Hinamori. A note of happiness rang in her voice. "You're alive!"

"Of course he's alive! That's what I've been trying to tell you!" yelled Rukia.

"Don't talk to me, Kuchiki Rukia!" said Hinamori icily. She swung her sword right at Rukia's neck again.

CLASH! Hitsugaya blocked Hinamori's attack.

"Hinamori," said Hitsugaya. "I'm going to have to put you under arre—.."

Hitsugaya felt someone tug at the back of his collar. It was Yamamoto.

"No, Hitsugaya-taicho," said Yamamoto gravely. "You must not intervene. The fight must go on."

"What?! Why?!" asked Hitsugaya. He did not see the sense in allowing these two girls to fight. What is worth risking one of them getting hurt,.... or worse one of them dying? Was it perhaps because girl pride needed to be upheld as Shinigami pride was; a pride for which too many died?

"FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT," chanted Yamamoto, pounding his long, staff on the ground upon each festival. The audience joined Yamamoto in his chanting.

"I have just lost all hope in humanity," said Hitsugaya hanging by his collar and feeling pathetic. Was the pleasure of watching two girls fight more important to people than their vulnerability? The thought made his head hurt.

"Hey!" came Komamura's bark. "The cakes are still good!"

A crowd of Shinigami went over to the tables to grab some smashed up cake.

"Okay, _now_ I've lost all hope in humanity," said Hitsugaya. Is eating cake really more important than stopping two girls from hurting each other? His mind could not possibly get more tortured.

Hisagi started singing with his ukele.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Hitsugaya.

* * *

"Blue Lightening!" growled Hinamori. A flash of blue lightening shot out of her finger. Rukia tried to dodge the attack but it struck her right arm— her sword arm. She dropped Sodo no Shirayuki. Rukia grabbed her sword right in time with her left hand before Hinamori launched her next attack.

"Blazing Fire Cannon!" roared Hinamori. A channel of fire exploded out of Hinamori's hands. Rukia flashstepped out of the way before the flames could touch her. Her other voluminous butterfly wing, however, was not able to escape the flames. Rukia quickly sliced off the wing before the flames consumed her kimono.

_Great_ thought Rukia. _Now she's using kido; and she's really good at it too. But I've got a really good shikai. Maybe if I release it she'll get too scared to keep fighting._

"_First Dance_...!" began Rukia.

"_Snap!_!" roared Hinamori. Launching huge ball of flames with a quick twist of her wrist.

Rukia had to dodge the flames but the flames caught her left foot and she lost her shikai stance. _Okay_ thought Rukia, rubbing of the flames on her left foot. _She can perform her shikai faster than I can and she won't give me time to do my shikai. I need a different battle strategy._

Rukia ran away, dodging flames and blue lightnings from Hinamori. She was getting further and further from Hinamori.

And then, she felt a spark of reiatsu from one of the buildings. It matched her own reiatsu for some strange reason. She landed on top of the building's rooftop and felt a surge of reiatsu flow into her body. She saw Hinamori in the distance, launching a Snap of her Tobiume flame at her. Rukia released the reiatsu.

A tunnel of white light exploded from below her feet. The reiatsu created a bright, powerful tunnel, just like Zaraki's but smaller. Hinamori's ball of fire was blown away. Hinamori herself was also blown away but she landed on one of the rooftops, her wild strands of hair blowing from Rukia's reiatsu.

A giant, white flower burst out of the roof below Rukia's feet. It grew until it blossomed out of the roof. Rukia stood upon it, clothed in white like a goddess. Her veil and hairpins fell off and were replaced by white, flowery hairpins. Her hair turned silver and white as the moon.

* * *

"What is going on?" asked Ichigo.

"My Moon Lily," said Mayuri. "It is recognizing Kuchiki Rukia's distress and sharing its reiatsu with her. And a powerful reiatsu it is. It's so powerful that it is making Kuchiki Rukia achieve her bankai form even though she has not gone through the adequate training."

"You mean Rukia is in her bankai?!" gasped Uryuu, Orihime, Chad, and Renji.

_So this is Rukia's bankai_ thought Ichigo.

* * *

"Stop this Hinamori!" shouted Hitsugaya. "She's in her bankai! You can't beat her like this!"

Hinamori turned coldly towards Hitsugaya hanging in Yamamoto's hands. "Shiro-chan," she growled. "I'm going to kill Kuchiki Rukia if it's the last thing I do!"

Hitsugaya heard himself cry out "BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!" but knew it was useless.

"Snap, Tobiume!" roared Hinamori. She launched three large fireballs at Rukia. It was useless. When the fireballs reached Rukia's white reiatsu they lost their red radiance and turned into white, shiny snowballs and flew back at her. Hinamori dodged them.

Rukia lifted Sodo no Shirayuki with one hand and lifted her other hand to the sky. Snow fell. She positioned her legs in a ballerina stance and rotated, still as a porcelain figure in a music box. Snow condensed on the tip of her sword.

Rukia struck Sodo no Shirayuki at Tobiume. Hinamori, thinking that Rukia was attacking her threw Tobiume in front of herself. Ice covered her sword... and then her hands... and then her arm. She could feel it reaching her torso and her neck.

"Vice-Captain Hinamori," said Rukia. "I don't want to fight you and hurt you. So less stop this battle."

Hinamori looked back at Rukia, her eyes full of terror. _The fight is going to be over,_ thought Rukia. _I've scared her enough. She's going to forfeit. And we'll be able to finish up the ceremony safely._

**POW!** The Moon Lily burst into flames. Rukia's divine kimono turned back into her wedding outfit. The ice around Hinamori broke to tiny pieces.

_Damn_ thought Rukia. _Hitsugaya's kido spell! I forgot!_

* * *

"AH! MY MOON LILY," cried Mayuri.

* * *

Fire reignited in Hinamori's eyes. Swords clashed again. Hinamori was more aggressive than ever before.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGH!" she roared swinging Tobiume madly. Neither of them were able to count how many times their swords clashed. Rukia felt the vibrations of each impact vibrate up to her teeth. Finally, Hinamori swung Sodo no Shirayuki out of Rukia's hands. Rukia was thrown back. She hit her head hard on the rooftop and felt dizzy. She saw Hinamori hovering over her, holding Tobiume with both her hands over her head, her eyes blazingly ready for the kill. Rukia felt herself fall unconscious.

* * *

Rukia woke up. She saw Ichigo and realized that he was carrying her. She also found herself blanketed by a white wool cape.

"Rukia, you're awake," said Ichigo.

Rukia reached for the back of her head and felt her bump. And then she remembered.

"Where's Hinamori?" asked Rukia.

Ichigo was silent. Rukia looked around. She was still on the rooftop, but she could see the crowd on the street below her. Unohana was standing over a girl whose face was white as a corpse. Sodo no Shirayuki had pierced her through the chest.

"Oh my God," breathed Rukia, feeling herself turn as white as the girl. "What have I done?"

"You didn't do anything, Rukia," said Ichigo. "Sodo no Shirayuki acted on her own accord. You were unconscious and your sword sought to protect you in your time of need. Uryuu thinks that Sodo no Shirayuki used some of the remaining reiatsu from the Moon Lily to move. Unfortunately, it seems like your sword is more aggressive than her wielder."

"I-I killed Hinamori," said Rukia. Tears started whelming in her eyes.

"You didn't kill her, Rukia," said Ichigo. "Unohana herself told me to tell you that she'll be fine."

"I've killed Kaien,... and now Hinamori?" wept Rukia.

Ichigo put his arm around Rukia.

"Oh god, Hitsugaya's jostling through the crowd," said Rukia. "I've heard that he and Hinamori are really close. He'll never forgive me for this."

* * *

"Hinamori!" Hitsugaya pushed himself through the crowd and managed to reach Unohana and the girl in front of her. He gazed at her in shock. He had now seen for himself the white sword— speckled with red, draped pale silvery ribbons. The blood loss had made his childhood friend pale and unconscious.

"Don't worry, Hitsugaya-taicho," said Unohana calmly. "She'll be fine."

Hitsugaya wanted to comfort himself by Unohana's assurance but could not bring himself to. He could only feel himself shake in horror,.... and guilt.

He heard footsteps behind him. Hitsugaya heard Kuchiki Byakuya's voice. "Lift yourself from your sadness, Hitsugaya-taicho, for she had raised her sword at Kuchiki pride and received what was coming to her."

Hitsugaya turned slowly towards Byakuya. _So, she deserved what she got, Kuchiki-taicho_ thought Hitsugaya. He did not dare bring up the question aloud towards the aristocratic man but the blue flames of fury burning in his turquoise eyes betrayed his inner feelings.

"Was that, perhaps, a mistake?" asked Byakuya, apparently noticing Hitsugaya's threatening glare.

The fiery anger exploded out of Hitsugaya. He drew out Hyourinmaru and pointed him at Byakuya. "Kuchiki-taicho, you are going to apologize for what you have just said about Hinamori."

"I will not," he said simply.

"Well I'll just have to change your mind about that," said Hitsugaya icily. He released an explosion of his reiatsu. Cold, icy wind started blowing aggressively. Snow started blowing along with the wind.

Unohana lifted Hinamori from the ground in her arms. "Hurry and take shelter everyone!" she called out. Snow was already piling on her hair and shoulders. "These two men have business to do."

Shinigami started running towards the 11th and 13th Division barracks since the 12th Division barracks had a burned whole on its roof. They were anxious to seek shelter from the chilly snow and wind.

Byakuya sighed, his haori blowing in the icy blizzard wind. He grabbed his sword in a display of reluctance. "Very well," he said. "We shall fight Hitsugaya-taicho."

* * *

"Oh, no," said Rukia. "Hitsugaya and Nii-san are now fighting."

"Come on," said Ichigo. "Let's take shelter somewhere, like Unohana said. Not even you would be able to withstand this blizzard. Let's go get warm somewhere."

He grabbed Rukia's arm and flashstepped away from the 12th Division roof.

"Why are we going this direction, Ichigo?" asked Rukia. "13th Division is the other way."

"We're not going to 13th Division," said Ichigo. "We're going to 10th Division."

"Why are you taking me there?" asked Rukia. "No one's going there."

But that was precisely why Ichigo was taking her there.

* * *

AN: Sorry about the digression about reason and logic and tsunamis and sandcastles. I'm borrowing an element of Lemony Snicket's style, the author of A Series of Unfortunate Events. Great series but the ending and resolution with Count Olaf was really, really weird. I was hoping that all of his apprentices would die one-by-one until finally he dies, preferably by Sunny's bites... on their necks... and on their loins. But no,... Count Olaf had to kiss someone. And it was really gross and I didn't get it. I digress again. Sorry to spoil the ending but it's not a great ending anyway.


	20. The Samurai vs the Dragon

"The Super Ice Babies"

I do not own Bleach.

* * *

Chapter 20: The Samurai vs. the Dragon

Hitsugaya charged, his sword gripped above his head with both of his hands.

"AAAAARRRRGGGH!" he snarled. CLASH! Byakuya blocked the attack, tall and cool as a quintessential nobleman. They sparred.

"You cannot win this way," said Byakuya, his tone more modest than his words, blocking each and every one of Hitsugaya's strikes with one hand on his sword. "You exert yourself too much and all I have to do is wait for you to tire out."

Byakuya felt a sudden tug stopping his sword. Hitsugaya had unleashed his chain and crescent from the tale of his sword and it around Byakuya's blade. Hitsugaya pulled at the chain but Byakuya's grip on his sword was too firm for it to let go.

Byakuya smiled. "That's no good. Zenbonsakura Kageyoshi."

His blade turned into sakura petals, releasing itself from the grip of Hitsugaya's chain and crescent. The cloud of petals charged at Hitsugaya, but the wind of the blizzard misdirected them.

"Soten ni zase, Hyourinmaru!" called Hitsugaya. The ice dragon danced around Hitsugaya, freezing each and every one of the sakura petals turning them into pink snowflakes. Nonetheless, the pink snowflakes remained under Byakuya's control and they surrounded the pair. The blizzard wind disappeared, blocked by the frozen sakura petals.

"HAAAAAGH!" yelled Hitsugaya. He charged his blade at Byakuya.

The cloud of sakura petals condensed into a shield in front of Byakuya. Back came the winds of the blizzard, chilling Byakuya's limbs almost stiff. The ice dragon charged at Byakuya.

"White Lightening," called Byakuya. The Ice Dragon was blasted away.

Hitsugaya charged his blade through the shield of frozen of sakura petals. Byakuya blocked the attack right on time with his sword handle, too close to his exposed, fleshy hands.

"Don't underestimate me," growled Hitsugaya, his turquoise eyes glowing.

* * *

Ichigo and Rukia made their way through the window of 10th Division headquarters. They were in the main office. They could see the heaps of paperwork on Hitsugaya's desk, even on his wedding day. Rukia grabbed a pink handkerchief on Matsumoto's table (she apparently does not even have a desk) and wiped off her makeup with it.

Yes thought Ichigo. We're alone together.

Ichigo threw some wood into the fireplace and looked for some matches. Then he remembered that Shinigami did not use matches.

"Rukia, can you set the fire?" asked Ichigo.

Rukia turned her half-makeup-removed face towards him. She pointed to the fireplace.

"Blue lightning," she said. Lightning flashed towards Ichigo!

"Wah!" cried Ichigo. He barely dodged the kido spell. It was so unexpected. The lightning landed on the wood and started a fire.

"What was that about?! You could have hit me!" spat Ichigo.

"Hm," replied Rukia unapologetically, her face buried in her handkerchief again.

"Are you mad at me?" asked Ichigo.

Silence.

This was not supposed to happen thought Ichigo.

* * *

Hitsugaya unleashed his crescent again. This time it wrapped itself around Byakuya's sword arm, the point of the crescent dug into his flesh.

"HA!" yelled Hitsugaya. He channeled his icy reiatsu through the chain, freezing Byakuya's arm.

Byakuya, however, did not wince but simply tossed his sword to his other hand. Byakuya he went on the aggressive this time, slashing his sword at Hitsugaya. He sparred as elegantly as he had with his dominant, now dormant arm. Hitsugaya blocked each and every one of his strikes but felt his sword vibrate from each impact. He gripped his sword with his hands harder than ever.

"You will have to give up your kendo sometime," sneered Byakuya. "Bakudo hanbunsai."

Hitsugaya's left arm was thrown off of his sword handle and was tied to his back. He tried to block Byakuya's strike with his one arm but felt quickly that it was not strong enough to hold off the impact. He flashstepped out of the way. Byakuya flashstepped towards him, aiming for another strike. This time, Hitsutaya blocked Zenbonsakura with his chain, stretched out from Byakuya's arm.

"Play with me and die!" growled Hitsugaya as he flashstepped around him, wrapping him up with his chain and freezing him.

* * *

Ichigo sat on one of the couches, watching Rukia wipe off her makeup. He wished miserably that she would talk to him. Finally, Rukia removed herself from the handkerchief and faced Ichigo with angry eyes.

"Why did you go off ruining the wedding?" she demanded.

Ichigo stared. "Sure, I devastated the wedding. Never mind Hinamori who tried to chop off your head a twice 'cause you just can't offend her."

"Well, she's not in her right mind," said Rukia.

"And I don't see how you are, Rukia," said Ichigo.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"This marriage, Rukia!" answered Ichigo. "Why are you going through with this marriage? Why did you walk down that aisle? Why did you say 'I do?'"

"That," said Rukia bitingly. "Is absolutely none of your business."

"Well it was none of my business when Sereitei was executing you," said Ichigo.

"Well, could you have at least back off of this wedding?!" asked Rukia.

"You brought me into this marriage mess."

"You were supposed to support me."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, it certainly doesn't mean putting penises and naked women in my hair," said Rukia.

"I didn't do that. Unohana did. And they're not naked women, they're goddesses." He said the last word sarcastically. "And why are you so determined to blame me for your.... misery—for a lack of a better word?"

"Look Ichigo," said Rukia. "You will never understand a woman's mind."

"No I won't," said Ichigo unashamedly. "And I don't think I want to."

"I love Hitsugaya," said Rukia. "And this was supposed to be the most beautiful day of my life with him!"

Ichigo stared, partly out of disbelief partly out of apprehension.

"Wasn't the most beautiful day of your life with him supposed to be the day when you popped out your first super ice baby?" sneered Ichigo.

Rukia lifted a giant mallet to throw on Ichigo's head but this time Ichigo stopped the abuse— by grabbing her hand. Ichigo and Rukia stared at each other's eyes.

* * *

The chain clinked as Byakuya flashstepped towards Hitsugaya. You are not going to tie me up, boy he hissed in his thoughts.

Byakuya rested his foot by Hitsugaya's side. He had avoided the complete ice bind that Hitsugaya had attempted upon them. "I am surprised how you can think that you can challenge me, young-taicho," said Byakuya in his aristocratic demeanor, determined to hide his inner trepidation.

"Pardon me for daring to tell you this, Kuchiki-taicho, but I am sometimes surprised that you are even a captain," said Hitsugaya, determined not to give in to his provocation.

"What has caused your humble mouth to muster such arrogance as to raise that comment towards me, Hitsugaya-taicho?" asked Byakuya.

"I don't know," said Hitsugaya. "Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that you have just flashstepped right towards me in the middle of my ice-binding technique and as a result the ice has just STUCK US TOGETHER!" Indeed, Byakuya's attempt to avoid Hitsugaya's full ice bind has resulted in Byakuya's right frozen arm to be latched to Hitsugaya's right sword arm with ice.

"On the contrary, young-taicho, this is a perfect technical strategy on my part," smiled Byakuya.

"How so?" snarled Hitsugaya.

"Because I'm bigger than you, and I can beat you!" said Byakuya, hitting Hitsugaya on the head like a bully in a playground.

* * *

Rukia pulled her hand away from Ichigo, holding her mallet with both hands. Damn thought Ichigo. She's pretending that it didn't happen.

"So," said Ichigo, trying to ease the tension. "Why do you love Hitsugaya so much?"

"Look Ichigo," said Rukia. "Nii-sama has given me someone who is not too old, not too mean, and not too ugly. He's done a good job getting me a good man and I am not going to insult him by rejecting his decision."

"So you don't love Hitsugaya," said Ichigo, unable to withhold his annoyance from his voice. "You love Byakuya."

"I love Hitsugaya, he's a good man," insisted Rukia.

"He's not a man, Rukia," laughed Ichigo. "He's a little boy."

* * *

Hitsugaya twitched. He had a strange feeling that someone distant had just called him a little boy.

"What's the matter?" asked Byakuya coolly. "Has someone just called you a little boy..." Hitsugaya gritted his teeth. "Little boy?" finished Byakuya. Byakuya returned to hammering Hitsugaya's head with his fist.

"Argh!" barked Hitsugaya. He bit Byakuya's arm. The provocation was too much.

* * *

"Ichigo," said Rukia. "It's not your place to determine who I marry."

"It's not Byakuya's either!" snarled Ichigo.

"It is Ichigo!" barked Rukia. "This is Soul Society and he's the patriarch of the Kuchiki family! Get over this!"

"You're not going to be happy," said Ichigo.

"I'll be happy enough," said Rukia.

"Happy enough?" asked Ichigo. "Are you really going to be satisfied with being happy enough?!"

"Hitsugaya is a gentle person," said Rukia. "Anyone can be happy with him."

"You're not in love with him!"

"Ichigo!" snapped Rukia. "I-I have to marry him." She was shaking.

Ichigo fell silent. Was she going to cry?

"I'm not pretty enough for a man to fall in love with me, Ichigo," she said softly.

Ichigo grabbed Rukia's obi and pulled her towards him. Her mouth landed upon his.

* * *

Byakuya and Hitsugaya persisted with their monkey brawl for one of them finally used a technique that he had learned in the Shinigami academy.

"White Lightening," said Byakuya pointing to the ice binding him to Hitsugaya. The ice broke apart. Hitsugaya's crescent fell upon the ground.

"Let go of me!" snarled Byakuya waving his arm, trying to shake of the little animal determined to cling to him with his teeth.

* * *

Rukia was shocked. She thought that she would push herself off of Ichigo and slap him. But she did not. Was she perhaps too paralyzed to move?

Ichigo tried to keep his breathing cool despite his heart racing. He felt queasy, as if he had just gambled everything he had and was sure to lose it all.

* * *

Finally, Byakuya managed to throw Hitsugaya off his arm. Hitsugaya landed upon the floor with a loud thud. Byakuya stood imposingly in front of him.

"I will give you a generous offer," said Byakuya, his tone calm and aristocratic again. "We shall cease fighting now and I shall forgive you for your immature, bestial methods of fighting."

"You started it!" snarled Hitsugaya.

"I shall further forgive Hinamori for disturbing the wedding," continued Byakuya. "She shall suffer no repercussions for raising her sword upon the Kuchiki family. In turn, you must walk up to the Sereitei temple and light your candle upon the Kuchiki clan candle and make your marriage to my sister official. This you shall perform now."

* * *

Rukia layed her fingers upon Ichigo's chest and slowly pulled herself away from him. Ichigo looked at Rukia. Her eyes were wide in disbelief at what happened but her cheeks betrayed a soft blush. Ichigo smiled.

"Do you want me to do that again?" he asked.

Rukia smiled. She leaned over this time. Ichigo wrapped his arms around her. The fire cracked, burning harder than ever as they kissed. Ichigo caressed her hair.

* * *

"No," said Hitsugaya.

"What was that?" asked Byakuya softly.

"I can not marry your sister," said Hitsugaya. Hitsugaya raised his sword with his arm which was still covered with chunks of ice but was movable unlike his kido-binded one.

Byakuya's eyes widened in mild surprise. "And why is that, may I ask," said Byakuya as coolly as ever.

"Because I can never love Rukia," said Hitsugaya. "I can never love her because I love Momo. She is the one whom I am going to marry."

Silence fell between them as the blizzard wind drifted snow upon them.

"And I did not fight you to forgive Hinamori, Kuchiki-taicho!" said Hitsugaya. "I fought you to apologize for what you said about Momo. She did not deserve what she got!"

"You are so stubborn," sighed Byakuya.

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S STUBBORN!" hollered Hitsugaya.

"I see, then," continued Byakuya. "I have no other choice."

Byakuya vanished. What the thought Hitsugaya. He sensed Byakuya had flashstepped northeast: towards the Sereitei temple. Why is Byakuya disappearing in the middle of a battle? It's considered dishonorable to leave in the middle of a fight. Hitsugaya followed him with flashstep and caught a glimpse of Byakuya.

"Wait! Where are you going? What are you doing?" yelled Hitsugaya.

"If you are not going to light your candle upon the Kuchiki candle, then I shall do it myself!" said Byakuya.

"YOU BASTARD!" hollered Hitsugaya.

*************************************************************  
AN:  
Okay, that Byaku vs. Hitsu fight scene turned out to be much less cool than it was supposed to. I don't care. It was funny!

Please Review!


	21. A Helping Paw

"The Super Ice Babies"

I do not own Bleach.

So Mayuri was no help.... and neither was Yamamoto.... nor Matsumoto. So who's going to save the day? None other than the coolest character in Bleach. At least the coolest girl character ^_-.

* * *

Chapter 21: A Helping Paw

Rukia and Ichigo heard the door burst open. They parted themselves from each other but it was too late for Rangiku Matsumoto to not have noticed their kissing. Matsumoto looked surprised at first but then she smiled at the pair.

"Wait until Kuchiki Byakuya finds out about this!" laughed Matsumoto.

"You won't tell him, would you?" begged Rukia. "You wouldn't tell anyone!"

"Don't worry," winked Matsumoto. "Your secret is safe with me.

Rukia doubted Matsumoto, but decided that there was nothing she could do.

"What are you doing here?" asked Ichigo a little irritated.

"Well, I assure you that I did not intend to discover the two of you," said Matsumoto. "You see, I came here to hide this."

"Geh!" said Ichigo as Matsumoto pulled out a candle from her large bosoms. Rukia wacked him with a mallet.

"See?" smiled Matsumoto. Showing the characters of Toshiro Hitsugaya on the candle. "Now taicho can't get married."

* * *

"A problem that's easily fixed!" insisted Byakuya, grabbing one of the small, stout candles surrounding the Kuchiki candle on the floor. "I'll just use one of these!" He briskly wrote Hitsugaya's name on the candle and rammed it into Hitsugaya's face. "Look! It's short! Just like you!"

Byakuya should have been able to dodge the ice beam that froze the candle to his hand.

But that would not stop him. "White Lightening," said Byakuya, lighting up another candle and freeing his hand from the ice. Hitsugaya tried to freeze the wick of the Kuchiki candle but his ice was blocked by Byakuya's sakura petals. He threw more ice from his blade, this time aiming for the lit candle but Byakuya grabbed with a flashstep.

"Souten ni Saze, Hyourinmaru!" cried Hitsugaya. He aimed the ice dragon at the Kuchiki candle. But the dragon that burst out of much smaller than he was used to and Byakuya went in front of it, bursting the ice dragon into a million of shards of ice with the point of his blade.

"You're really handicapped with a paralyzed arm, Little-taicho," said Byakuya. "You can't even unleash a decent shikai without the combined force of your two little arms."

_God, I need help!_ cried Hitsugaya.

"YOU'RE WELCOME, TAICHO!" came Matsumoto's voice in the distance. Hitsugaya turned to the direction of the voice. Matsumoto was waving in a distant building through an open window. She threw a blow kiss at him before she withdrew and close the window.

_Matsumoto, help me!_

* * *

Matsumoto looked out of the stormy blizzard window. She saw Byakuya and Hitsugaya brawling like monkeys in front of the Sereitei temple in the distance.

"Look!" smiled Matsumoto. "Byakuya is trying to force taicho to go on with the candle ceremony but they can't!" She opened the window. "YOU'RE WELCOME, TAICHO!" she called out happily waving to him in the distance. She quickly closed the window to keep more snow from coming in.

"You know," said Ichigo. "Maybe we should go out there and see what's really going on between those two. Just to make sure that Hitsugaya's doing fine."

"Nah," smiled Matsumoto. "Taicho can take care of himself. Besides you two have romancing to do and I shall leave the two of you."

"Ok.....," said Rukia. "Thanks."

"Oh!" said Matsumoto she knelt down and slipped her hands under the couch. "I've got these if you need them!" She pulled out porno magazines.

"ARRGH!" screamed Rukia and Ichigo. "WE DON'T NEED THOSE, MATSUMOTO! PUT THOSE AWAY!"

"Oh, okay," said Matsumoto. She snuck the magazines back under the couch. "Well, they're here if you ever need them." She reassured.

"Thanks....." said Ichigo. He would have really preferred not to have known about them at all.

"Oh, and I've also got these," said Matsumoto. "I've convinced my taicho that they're bubblegum flavored candies so he lets me pile them in here." She slipped towards the drawer next to the couch and pulled out a handful of purple condom packages.

"PUT THOSE AWAY, MATSUMOTO, WE DON'T NEED THEM!" hollered Ichigo and Rukia.

"Are you sure?" asked Matsumoto. "They're bubblegum flavored."

"YES!" said Ichigo and Rukia even more vehemently.

"Well, they're here if you ever need them," smiled Matsumoto.

"I think I've just lost my appetite for love," said Ichigo.

"I have too," groaned Rukia.

"C'mon," said Ichigo. "Let's go and help out Hitsugaya."

* * *

Hitsugaya managed to freeze up all of the candles on the ground, but no he had to stop the one in Byakuya's hand.... and the Kuchiki candle. He felt like he was strategizing in a fight.

Hitsugaya flash-stepped to the side. "Souten ni zase, Hyourinmaru!" This time, the ice dragon was larger. Byakuya managed to block half of the ice dragon, but the other half landed on the wick of the Kuchiki candle.

Yes! thought Hitsugaya triumphantly as the wick was covered in ice. The flamed went out.

But then it burst again in a flash of fire.

"The Kuchiki candle is no ordinary candle," said Byakuya calmly. "It is enchanted to be able to withstand large amounts of wind and ice. That is why it remains burning in this blizzard."

Damn thought Hitsugaya. He'll have to go to his bankai. But he doesn't have time. The little candle with Hitsugaya's name was in Byakuya's hands and Byakuya is now able to unite the flames with one simple flashstep. He had failed.

"Stop this, Nii-sama!" came Rukia's voice. Ichigo, Rukia, and Matsumoto have just flashstepped into the scene. "I'm not in love with Hitsugaya! I'm in love with—"

"It doesn't matter!" said Byakuya, cutting off short Rukia's revelation. He held the candle for all of them to see Hitsugaya's name, it's wick ominously bright with fire. "What matters are the Super Ice Babies!"

Byakuya flashstepped towards the Kuchiki candle. Everyone gasped. No one would be able to outrace Byakuya's flashstep to the candle now. Hitsugaya and Rukia were going to be officially married....

Someone had grabbed Byakuya's hand. The little candle in his hand was a centimeter away from the Kuchiki candle. The woman blew out the little candle's flame.

"You...," growled Byakuya.

"Me...," mewed Yoruichi.

They stared at each other. Byakuya with intense hatred; Yoruichi with playful amusement.

"Now Bya-chan," purred Yoruichi. "You will stop this little game of marrying Rukia and Hitsugaya. It's not fun anymore."

"Game?! This is not a game, ba-chan" spat Byakuya, determined to get back at her for calling him "Bya-chan." "This is a plan to bring forth powerful ice-type shinigami for Soul Society. A plan that shall not be stopped by the likes of you."

"But, Bya-chan," replied Yoruichi with a cat-like whine. "You know what it's like to be forced to marry someone whom you don't love." And then Yoruichi continued with a purr. "For imagine what would have happened if we had gone through our arranged marriage."

"Ehhhh?!" gasped everyone in unison. Byakuya and Yoruichi were betrothed once in an arranged marriage? But then he remembered Byakuya saying that he was once in an arranged marriage himself.

"It sucked," said Byakuya.

"That bastard," breathed Ichigo.

"It's simply not worth the unhappiness that the marriage would bring to Rukia and Hitsugaya, Bya-chan," smiled Yoruichi.

"The reason for this marriage is different, ba-chan, and well worth it," said Byakuya. "I've arranged it to bring Super Ice Babies to Sereitei. But my father in his insanity arranged our marriage seeking to combine our speed together and make super fast little people for Sereitei. 'Super Flash Babies!' he'd always shout. It always infuriated me."

"I don't see how that's any different at all!" shouted Ichigo.

"But I am going to marry Rukia and Hitsugaya together, whether if you decide to intervene or not," said Byakuya.

Yoruichi sighed in a pretense of lost confidence. "But Bya-chan you are going to cease this marriage by your own free will."

"And what makes you think that?" asked Byakuya.

"Well, remember when I babysat you when you were a little one?" smiled Yoruichi like the cat in Alice in Wonderland.

"Yes," said Byakuya, his voice shaking in anger. "You always took the last rice-cake with beanpaste filling. And you'd always eat all of my candy. And I tried to poison my candy to get rid of you once and for all. And I felt bad so I ran to my candy storage before you could arrive to eat it. And you were already there and you had eaten all of my candy and somehow alive and healthy and I never found out why."

"Aw, Bya-chan you didn't hate me that much," said Yoruichi. "Remember when you would snuggle and cuddle with me in bed when it there were scary thunderstorms? And you would bring your little fluffy Mr. Bear-chama with you and you'd snuggle him in bed with my Mr. Kitty-sama so that he wouldn't get scared of the thunderstorm too."

"You make this up," said Byakuya. His eyes darkened with hatred.

"Well, I might lie, but a picture doesn't," said Yoruichi holding a photo in front of him. Byakuya's jaw dropped. He tried to grab it but with a wave of her arm she threw it upon the blizzard wind. Byakuya tried to grab it but Yoruichi grabbed the back of his collar like a child. Ichigo ran and grabbed it.

Rukia, Matsumoto, and Hitsugaya ran towards him. They burst out laughing.

"Ha!" laughed Ichigo. "He has little Mr. Bear-chama undies!"

"Look at him tuck Mr. Bear-chama with Mr. Kitty-sama in that little bed!" laughed Matsumoto. "He's so cute!"

"YOU'RE CUTE, KUCHIKI-TAICHO!" yelled Hitsugaya towards Byakuya, every syllable dripping with insult and laughter.

"You bitch....." hissed Byakuya to Yoruichi. "But you have nothing to hold against me anymore."

Yoruichi smiled at Byakuya demonishly. "Actually, Bya-chan, I have more pictures."

"What?!" gasped Ichigo, Matsumoto, Rukia, and Hitsugaya excitedly.

"What?!" gasped Byakuya in dread.

"Yes, but I have more than just pictures. I've got recordings of you singing 'Rubber Ducky' and 'I'm Gettin' Nuttin' for Christmas.' They're so lovely."

"You sang?!" gasped Ichigo. He was partly infuriated by Byakuya's hypocrisy but partly dieing to hear the records.

"But, Bya-chan, if you don't want me to share them with your friends you're going to have to cancel this marriage for good," said Yoruichi. Her tone was reasonable but she had the grin of the Cheshire Cat.

Byakuya glared at Yoruichi with hatred for a few seconds but realized that he was not going to win against her. He slowly turned to Rukia and Hitsugaya.

"The marriage is canceled," he said, simple as if it was completely his idea.

* * *

AN: Hang on with me. I got one chapter left.


	22. So Cute

"The Super Ice Babies"

I do not own Bleach.  


* * *

Chapter 22: So Cute

Even though the wedding failed to commence, most of the Shinigami were partying in the 6th Division Headquarters. Byakuya needed to get rid of all the food and sake bottles, a task which Matsumoto was being of great help.

Hitsugaya, however, was in the infirmary waiting for his childhood friend to wake up. He was sitting on a chair next to her. He had been sitting there quietly for almost and hour, but he did not mind. He felt happy just being there next her, because now he knew his feelings for her.

Hinamori's eyelids opened. She saw Hitsugaya.

"Shiro-chan!" gasped Hinamori. She got up and embraced him. Hitsugaya felt shocked. And then he realized that she was crying.

"I'm so sorry Sh-Shiro-chan!" she sobbed. "I sh-should've known that this whole marriage is hard on you... and R-rukia. I d-don't know what has g-gotten into me! And I tried to kill her. And you love her 'cause she's your fiancé. Except... you d-didn't marry yet have you?"

Hitsugaya smiled. He put his arms around Hinamori.

"It's alright, Hinamori," said Hitsugaya. "We're not married. And she's not even my fiancé anymore. Kuchiki-taicho canceled the marriage."

A silence fell between them. Hinamori could not believe it. And then she smiled, the kind of smile that she had before Aizen's betrayal. Hitsugaya had missed that smile so much. And then she started laughing. She had a very childish laugh. Hitsugaya could not remember the last time she laughed.

"What's so funny?" asked Hitsugaya.

"It's just the whole marriage thing," said Hinamori. "I just realized that it was funny." And then she looked sad again.

"I don't understand, though, why I tried to kill Kuchiki Rukia," said Hinamori softly. "I'm so glad that I didn't because I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive myself if I had."

"It's okay, Hinamori," said Hitsugaya. "She's really nice. She'll forgive you."

"You think so?" asked Hinamori.

Hitsugaya nodded with a smile.

"I'm scared Shiro-chan," said Hinamori. "I think I'm crazy."

Hitsugaya knew that he would be lying to deny her statement so he just hugged her silently. Deep inside, he was glad to hear what Hinamori had said. He felt a tingle of hope that told him that she was going to get over Aizen. He was so happy to be happy with her at this moment despite her bipolar disorder.

"Shiro-chan?" addressed Hinamori. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Yes," said Hitsugaya.

"If you ever see Kuchiki Rukia for me, can you apologize to her for me?" asked Hinamori.

"Of course, I will," said Hitsugaya.

"And can you give her some candy?" asked Hinamori. "To make up for everything?"

"That doesn't sound necessary," said Hitsugaya.

"Oh, but it is!" said Hinamori.

"Alright," sighed Hitsugaya.

Hitsugaya and Hinamori let go of their embrace. They look at each other for a few seconds. Hitsugaya had an eerie feeling that he had to say something, but he did not know what. Finally, he said something without really knowing what he said.

"I love you, Hinamori," he said. It was too late to take the words back. He could feel his chills of nervousness, temperature of his face rising, the sweat beads dripping from his forehead.

But then, Hinamori smiled and laughed. Hitsugaya's heart leapt. She was accepting his declaration of love. And they were going to be lovers and they were going to go on dates and exchange chocolates on Valentines Day and kiss under the mistletoe on Christmas Day and maybe someday get....

She patted him on the head. "You're so cute, Shiro-chan," she squealed.

Silence.

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?! IT'S HITSUGAYA-TAICHO!"

* * *

Hitsugaya returned to his office feeling miserable. He should have been happy at the end of this day. He remained unmarried and his best friend was coming back to her senses. But he was not happy because he was in love, and he knew he was going to be unrequited. Now he had nothing to look forward to but piles and piles of paperwork. Matsumoto should be back by now but she was probably sleeping off the sake.

Hitsugaya heard noises from the other end of the room. He walked quickly towards the couch. Was Matsumoto really back from the party? But, he did not discover Matsumoto but rather Kuchiki Rukia and Kurosaki Ichigo. Ichigo was lying on the couch, and she was lying on him. And they were kissing.

"Ah!" screamed Hitsugaya, shocked and flushed.

Ichigo and Rukia separated themselves from each other and sat up on the couches.

"What were you two doing?!" yelled Hitsugaya angrily.

"We weren't doing anything bad, Hitsugaya," said Ichigo.

"This is an office— my office!" yelled Hitsugaya. "This is a place for me to work and not for me to witness your osculation! You should know better, Kuchiki Rukia and Substitute Shinigami!"

"Sorry, Hitsugaya!" said Rukia

"Hitsugaya-taicho!" corrected Hitsugaya. They were back in formal address.

"We'll go," said Ichigo, stroking Rukia's neck.

Well that's settled thought Hitsugaya. He sighed. He felt his misery surge back.

"What's wrong?" asked Ichigo.

Hitsugaya at first wanted to retort that it was none of his business but then he realized that this was the perfect opportunity for him to get some advise on love.

"H-how do you get a girl to fall in love with you?" asked Hitsugaya softly.

Ichigo raised his eyebrows. He would have told him that he really was only a few hours experienced in love and that he really was not the right person to discuss this. But he did not.

"Well, the first thing to do is hit puberty!" Ichigo said, his smile kinder than his tone.

Rukia laughed. Hitsugaya grimaced. And then, Hitsugaya remembered his promise to Hinamori.

"Kuchiki Rukia!" said Hitsugaya. "I'd like to apologize in behalf of Hinamori for her behavior in the wedding. Gomen nasai!" He bowed.

Rukia was surprised by the sudden change in mood but then she smiled at him. "All is forgiven."

"Oh, yes, I need to give you candy," Hitsugaya remembered. He pulled out the drawer next to them and grabbed a handful of bubblegum flavored condoms. "Would you like any of these? Matsumoto likes them for some reason. They're bubblegum flavored. They don't taste very good but you can blow really big bubbles with them—and they'll never, ever break! Do you want see?"

Silence.

"That's fine,... Hitsugaya-taicho," said Rukia. "I don't need need... any... of... those...."

"Let's get out of here," muttered Ichigo softly nudging Rukia. "Bye, Toshiro."

Hitsugaya felt for some reason that he had made an absolute fool of himself but he did not know how. He realized that he forgot to berate Ichigo for calling him "Toshiro" when he heard Ichigo and Rukia giggle to each other.

"He's so cute!" laughed Rukia softly, but too audible for Hitsugaya's sharp ears. Ichigo and Rukia left.

Hitsugaya plumped on the couch. He was hopeless.

* * *

AN: Almost done....


	23. Epilogue

"The Super Ice Babies"

I do not own Bleach.

* * *

Epilogue

"Guess what, Kuchiki-taicho?" asked Matsumoto, her cheeks rosy from sake.

"What?" muttered Byakuya.

"Your little Rukia is in love," drawled Matsumoto.

Byakuya rolled his eyes towards her in modest interest.

"Your little Rukia's in love with Kurosaki Ichigo," hiccuped Matsumoto.

Silence.

"You're just drunk," muttered Byakuya.

FIN.

* * *

Thanks for reading my fanfic! Please review! ^_^


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